I sit here slumped in my kitchen chair letting my mind run free. The last bit of milk in my bowl colorfully sprinkled by cinnamon and the invisible bits of sugar, all that remains of cinnamon toasters. My trusty steed of caramelized, carbonated, blackened sugar water is only a third drunk. A good start to the day, indeed. My little Emma is home watching cartoons. Last night her little body violently excorcised every thing she has eaten in her four years I think. It was a remarkable show. And me, I do what I do every day of my life, I dream.
Do I list all the things I dream of that I can't afford? There's the obvious roof needing repair. And the Disney World vacation Chris and the kids have been dreaming of. Not out of reach forever, but for now. But that's not what occupies my thoughts this beautifully cold and sunny morning. No, it is a desire to succeed with car projects. To make money at what I love. To be able to build these hot rods and custom toys and for that to support my family. Not fully but in some portion.
I had a daydream a couple days ago. I dreamt that the 3 older kids would grow up and move on and we would begin to adopt other kids. A grand idea indeed. I've thought about how much adoption costs. About how we've not adopted Emma even due to cost. About how we would need a larger house, with a good roof. About how easy it is to say go, but how much greater the obligation is than seems. About how forever forever is. I've even thought about telling my wife about this. Catastrophic the consequences could be. She might just say go. Let's do it! That would just be the worst best, best worst thing possible.
The way I remember it (the super incredible amazing awesome woman I call wife may have differing memories), chris's mom had wanted to have 16 kids. They had 2, which left the number 14 to us. We went to a friend's house for fellowship one night and a woman prophesied to me that we would have 14 kids. Now I don't take this for gospel. Like Mary though, who treasured all these things in her heart according to Luke's gospel, I keep this bit of prophecy in a special place in my heart.
Of course, you gotta know I didn't plan on blathering on about all this adoption nonsense when I picked up my phone and started typing. Yes, nonsense. It has to be nonsense right? I simply was dwelling on the facts. Like how I have two project trucks needing to go together and get sold yet I don't have the capital to put either one together. History tells me, my history, that money procured to do just this will somehow go other places and trucks will not sell for what they should and I never seem to be able to work it all out.
So now that I've exhausted an entire hour of life writing this I guess it's time to get back to laundry. Maybe even do some work. Got a Coke and dirty bowl waiting. See ya.
