This past weekend I staffed at a three day workshop for the heart. It has been over two years since my last staffing experience. After my family this is my favorite place in the world to be. It is such an incredible experience seeing people's lives changed forever. My life is also changed each time.
Because of our kids and work/school it is very difficult to get away for these long weekends. This created a dilemma for me. I love the high, I love all the new friends or spiritual brothers and sisters, I love the growth in myself, but after the great high comes the great blah. I get new friends but have little time for relationship. I long to do life together. I long to continue what we have begun together. I long for communion. I try to be involved but life steps in over and over and says no.
I didn't want to go through that up and down emotional beating so I decided to go and help out in any way needed but to not get emotionally involved more than necessary. And it worked. It worked so well that I could only seem to pray out of my head. Like my heart and head were disconnected. It took well into the second day for me to realize that I had done this to myself. I had gotten exactly what I wanted but I didn't really understand what the consequences would be. In retrospect its pretty obvious but all I wanted was to avoid pain down the road. Once I figured it out I began to talk to God about it and He fixed much of it. I began to be able to pray from my heart and open up more. He really is good isn't He?
The up and down motion of life is I think just a part of how God designed it. I'm so glad God is patient with me. I don't have this all figured out (this life thing) but I do want to share my experience and you can use it however you want. Thanks guys.
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