For those of you that read my last blog, both of you, I kinda towards the beginning or middleish talked about being new at or struggling with something I haven't really mastered but by the end sounded as if I had mastered it. At least that's how I kinda felt about it. It seems to me that is the way this Christian walk is supposed to work.
There's a period of time of like struggling to figure it out and then just growing, growing, growing at probably a steep rate and then a plateau. As God is teaching me something new I absorb everything I can like a sponge. Soon hopefully I become master of this new thing. This then becomes a comfortable spot where I can dwell in the confidence of having grown closer with God. I can get used to this newness and practice and live it out. I can't stay there for a super long time though. There is always another place that God is looking for me to grow in. This cycle repeats for as long as I continue on in relationship with Christ.
I can be in more than one stage at a time. It seems as I mature God works on more and more things at the same time. Even in just one area I can be growing and plateauing simultaneously in different pieces of that one area. Some of the things that I have a really firm grasp on I continue to get revelation. I think not only does God keep me growing this way but also keeps my head from getting too big.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Winning for Life
I like to be right and/or I like to win. But I don't always win. Sometimes I put maximum effort into something and get everything I'm after. Other times I put the same effort in and get plowed. Lately I've been feeling down. It's not like things have changed, have gotten worse than normal or that other times are better than normal, I don't really know why I'm down.
Life seems to have rhythms. Science says we have rhythms or cycles to our lives, circadian rhythms I believe they're called. I think this is important to understand in relation to our walk with God. In my marriage I have seen this at work. I give a certain level of love and care but don't always get the same response. One time I get googly eyes and tender looks and another time it's meh!, with the same input. I'm bumping in to the inconsistency of her humanity. She likewise gets similar inconsistent response from me. Whether it's these rhythms or the type of food recently eaten or the weather and temperature or stress from work or kids, all of these things impact my life. So, having a grasp on this, why do I fail miserably applying this same understanding to my life with God? God is never changing, never moving. I on the other hand am a leaf on the wind. I do my best to drop anchor, plant roots deep in God's soil, but I think at best I am anchored like a kite. Some days gale force winds toss me like a rag doll. Others days blue skies with no breeze make me feel solid as a rock.
I don't know about you but I beat myself up a lot. Am I doing my best for God? Is He pleased with me? I compare myself to others, I compare myself to myself. Last week I was doing remarkable, felt so close to God, but this week. Sheesh! Can I just throw in the towel and start again after a long nap?
I don't think it is just me. When I look around at the battles people are fighting, it's like wow. Struggles that should just melt with truth but years later are still being fought. I know we say let go and let God but I don't think most know how to. Maybe the first step is to stop beating ourselves up over our daily performance. God doesn't count our minutes of prayer or how many chapters we read of His word each day. What God is after can't be measured. He is after you and me.
The apostle Paul couldn't give God everything. He said what he wanted to do he didn't do and what he didn't want to do, this he did. We sing "I Surrender All", yet not one of us can ever give God everything. Not King David, not mother Theresa, no one but Jesus. So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to perform? To do what we cannot do? To do what we were not created to do in this life? To do what God does not expect of us? Somehow I don't even blink when my expectations of marriage or friendship are broken but lose it when I think my life lets God down. Why is that? Why do I need to measure everything? If I can't quantify it does God count it? I know the answer. I know it. So why do I keep measuring?
Like I said earlier I think this is the key. When we begin to rest in God. As I have come to understand that I am good enough. God is not measuring my performance, He is connecting with my heart. That connection is all He is after. The little bit I can give is enough for Him. But even that is not measured. It is just the act of connecting. It is all Him. Nothing I do. Now I can move past me. I can begin to explore the infinite vastness of my infinite God. When I fail, He pulls my heart back to His and we're good again. I don't need to perform. I am good. His goodness makes me good when I come to Him. Don't get hung up on that word good. Holiness or righteousness could substitute. I am pure. Not for what I do but what He does. What He has already done. I need only accept it.
NOW, I can move in His power. I can be Jesus to others because I am not stuck in my smallness. What I can or cannot do is no longer an issue, it is what He can do.
I know this is the issue because I hear it over and over again. I hear Christians including myself using the I pronoun way too much. I feel this. I did this. I didn't do this. I failed again yesterday. I can't get over his words. I can't believe what she did to me. The message is never what I need to hear. I am not growing at this church. Why me? What did I do? The Christian so focused on I is a powerless person. A paralyzed believer. So where does this I, me me me mentality come from?
Isn't this what we see right off the bat after the fall in the garden? Shame? Adam and Eve hide their nakedness, they hide from God. Shame is I'm not good enough to look at. I'm not worthy. Isnt this IT? In some form or another the root lie that we all believe about ourselves? I'm not good enough. I'm unworthy. I'm unlovable. Too broken, too far gone. Me, me, me, still.
When we uncover our own root lie and shine God's truth on it we allow ourselves to be loved by God. God loves us fully already but we cannot receive it. But....now we can. Now we can learn to live in love. To recognize shame and shine God's light deep in to it's core. To remove Satan's deepest lie and insert God's deepest truth. Now the love God has been pouring upon us is no longer shed by our walls. Now God's love pours into us, fills us up, blows us apart. It is shed upon every person around us. We begin to grow true fruit because we no longer plant. God's love digs and tenderly plants, lovingly holding and embracing the new growth, nurturing it to maturity. It is no longer me but God in me and thru me. I am His and He is mine.
Now, now I am no longer record keeping prayer time and scripture reading as a way to God's presence. I am in His presence at all times. Scripture is another way to commune with my friend and Father. Prayer grows me more deeply rooted, connects me more intimately with my lover.
I do not claim to have this all mastered. I know it in some way but am yet becoming it, will continue becoming it until I see my Savior, my King, my Lover, my Friend, my Counselor, my Father, and in that instant I shall be entirely His and He shall be entirely mine. Oh man, I don't know what that will be like but it is both terrifying and amazing at once. Terrifying because I don't like to let go of myself. Amazing because all things shall be made perfect. My shame gone. Fear gone. Fully worthy, fully loved. Imagine that!
Life seems to have rhythms. Science says we have rhythms or cycles to our lives, circadian rhythms I believe they're called. I think this is important to understand in relation to our walk with God. In my marriage I have seen this at work. I give a certain level of love and care but don't always get the same response. One time I get googly eyes and tender looks and another time it's meh!, with the same input. I'm bumping in to the inconsistency of her humanity. She likewise gets similar inconsistent response from me. Whether it's these rhythms or the type of food recently eaten or the weather and temperature or stress from work or kids, all of these things impact my life. So, having a grasp on this, why do I fail miserably applying this same understanding to my life with God? God is never changing, never moving. I on the other hand am a leaf on the wind. I do my best to drop anchor, plant roots deep in God's soil, but I think at best I am anchored like a kite. Some days gale force winds toss me like a rag doll. Others days blue skies with no breeze make me feel solid as a rock.
I don't know about you but I beat myself up a lot. Am I doing my best for God? Is He pleased with me? I compare myself to others, I compare myself to myself. Last week I was doing remarkable, felt so close to God, but this week. Sheesh! Can I just throw in the towel and start again after a long nap?
I don't think it is just me. When I look around at the battles people are fighting, it's like wow. Struggles that should just melt with truth but years later are still being fought. I know we say let go and let God but I don't think most know how to. Maybe the first step is to stop beating ourselves up over our daily performance. God doesn't count our minutes of prayer or how many chapters we read of His word each day. What God is after can't be measured. He is after you and me.
The apostle Paul couldn't give God everything. He said what he wanted to do he didn't do and what he didn't want to do, this he did. We sing "I Surrender All", yet not one of us can ever give God everything. Not King David, not mother Theresa, no one but Jesus. So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to perform? To do what we cannot do? To do what we were not created to do in this life? To do what God does not expect of us? Somehow I don't even blink when my expectations of marriage or friendship are broken but lose it when I think my life lets God down. Why is that? Why do I need to measure everything? If I can't quantify it does God count it? I know the answer. I know it. So why do I keep measuring?
Like I said earlier I think this is the key. When we begin to rest in God. As I have come to understand that I am good enough. God is not measuring my performance, He is connecting with my heart. That connection is all He is after. The little bit I can give is enough for Him. But even that is not measured. It is just the act of connecting. It is all Him. Nothing I do. Now I can move past me. I can begin to explore the infinite vastness of my infinite God. When I fail, He pulls my heart back to His and we're good again. I don't need to perform. I am good. His goodness makes me good when I come to Him. Don't get hung up on that word good. Holiness or righteousness could substitute. I am pure. Not for what I do but what He does. What He has already done. I need only accept it.
NOW, I can move in His power. I can be Jesus to others because I am not stuck in my smallness. What I can or cannot do is no longer an issue, it is what He can do.
I know this is the issue because I hear it over and over again. I hear Christians including myself using the I pronoun way too much. I feel this. I did this. I didn't do this. I failed again yesterday. I can't get over his words. I can't believe what she did to me. The message is never what I need to hear. I am not growing at this church. Why me? What did I do? The Christian so focused on I is a powerless person. A paralyzed believer. So where does this I, me me me mentality come from?
Isn't this what we see right off the bat after the fall in the garden? Shame? Adam and Eve hide their nakedness, they hide from God. Shame is I'm not good enough to look at. I'm not worthy. Isnt this IT? In some form or another the root lie that we all believe about ourselves? I'm not good enough. I'm unworthy. I'm unlovable. Too broken, too far gone. Me, me, me, still.
When we uncover our own root lie and shine God's truth on it we allow ourselves to be loved by God. God loves us fully already but we cannot receive it. But....now we can. Now we can learn to live in love. To recognize shame and shine God's light deep in to it's core. To remove Satan's deepest lie and insert God's deepest truth. Now the love God has been pouring upon us is no longer shed by our walls. Now God's love pours into us, fills us up, blows us apart. It is shed upon every person around us. We begin to grow true fruit because we no longer plant. God's love digs and tenderly plants, lovingly holding and embracing the new growth, nurturing it to maturity. It is no longer me but God in me and thru me. I am His and He is mine.
Now, now I am no longer record keeping prayer time and scripture reading as a way to God's presence. I am in His presence at all times. Scripture is another way to commune with my friend and Father. Prayer grows me more deeply rooted, connects me more intimately with my lover.
I do not claim to have this all mastered. I know it in some way but am yet becoming it, will continue becoming it until I see my Savior, my King, my Lover, my Friend, my Counselor, my Father, and in that instant I shall be entirely His and He shall be entirely mine. Oh man, I don't know what that will be like but it is both terrifying and amazing at once. Terrifying because I don't like to let go of myself. Amazing because all things shall be made perfect. My shame gone. Fear gone. Fully worthy, fully loved. Imagine that!
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
I need the real God.
I need some recharge time. Nothing works like the sun. It's just this weather here in the Pacific Northwest isn't always so helpful between September thru June ish. It's not only the sun I need. As we were driving away from the marriage class at the church tonight, I sort of not really apologized for sticking around talking to someone for 15 to 20 minutes afterward. I quipped to Chris, that's all the conversation I'm gonna have this week outside of family. It wasn't my desire to just give her an excuse for making them hang out and wait for me. But it wasn't til the words were finishing coming off my tongue that I realized how true they were.
This stage we are in right now has forced me to come back over and over and ask what the heck? This sucks! I know it sucks, Chris knows it sucks, the kids know it sucks. So I have to keep figuring out how to lose that mindset. How can I not only survive this time but grow? I don't think big picture too much. Like how is this time gonna affect the kids 5 years down the road or 10? I know the now creates the future so if I am successful now, that's enough to worry about. I know it sucks, but how can I grow with God? I know it sucks, but how can I make Chris's life easier? I know I don't have time for my car stuff anymore so what could I do instead? Where else could my creative juices be allowed to flow? I don't have another adult to talk to so maybe I can tell God all the various angles I've come up with. How hard it is to stay upbeat without sunny D most days. You have a great sense of humor God giving Emma to me but how do I _______ and ________ and what about ________? I'm gonna lose my mind. And Tony and Josh and Ashtin and Chris? I'm barely keeping myself together how do I keep them together?
I learned from an old pastor friend and his wife how to keep giving. They didn't teach me how but after several years I began to see in myself the rewards of how they would speak to me. So I have begun trying to be positive and encouraging to those around me. This is something I can do in this stage of life. When at a store or wherever I try to use a persons name and thank them for whatever it is they do. The other day I stared obviously at a girl's name tag trying to read her name through the lengths of hair that kept moving across the letters until her hair moved away and at the same time she said, Chell. So I said, Chell (shell), that's really cool. Well thank you very much. Have a wonderful day! I find it really powerful when I intentionally use someone's name. Another time I had some special tithe money (not our regular paycheck tithe) and bought the ladies at the credit union some flowers and a gift card each. One time we were out to eat and on our way out gave $20 to a nervous young couple on a date. We don't have a lot of money so those things don't happen often but I am looking for more ways I can impact the lives around me. I have a vision of a group of 8 to 15 people meeting at our house and taking them to places of victory and growth. Places they don't know how to get to and then them going forward and doing the same for others. But that is not now. What can I do now? I've described some of that already. I can also become a better father, a better husband, a better steward of my house. I'm naturally a Debbie downer, a Eeyore. How can I be more positive? I am asking this of God, asking for His help to do what I cannot. There is so much I can do in this bummer of a time to positively grow. But what about those times I just let everything go? When I gripe instead of asking? When I yell instead of ______? When I totally pooch screw it? Those times suck and still come too often but I don't dwell and keep moving forward. I may have to repair stuff but I'm a gonna keep moving forward. The devil wins when I stop moving. I have given him far too much victory. It's not about always going forward. Sometimes planting myself and not going backward is growth. Is victory. Choosing conviction rather than condemnation.
I saw at the checkstand today one of the Kardashians is getting divorced. My heart was like, yes! Then God said no. I want the very best for her, same as I do for you. The lie of the world, the lie of satan, is that I should want her to be punished for all she has done. For her selfishness and selfcenteredness. Then God reminded me that I am selfish and selfcentered. That I derserve to be punished. But that is not what God wants for me. That is not what He wants for her. God is love. Love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrong doing. Whoa! If God is love and I'm becoming more like God, then I gotta love people, even the hard to love ones. That is just a small portion of 1st Corinthians 13 but it's probably enough to be my entire bucket list. Be patient. Be kind. Keep no record of wrong. This is life changing stuff here and yet I think few lives have been changed by it.
For all the miracles and recorded speaches of Jesus in the Bible it seems dificult still to really get who Jesus is and what that means for me. So much of my view of God and His will are viewed through a western filter. I have seen all of life through this filter and don't know anything else. How then can I remove it so to see God and Jesus unfiltered? We say, the woman caught in adultery. Jesus would say, the woman set free. Or, My precious virgin daughter. Jesus would call her by her true name. By who He created her to be. Jesus always calls us to who we are meant to be. He never calls us by our sin. When I see the magazine announcing this womans divorce, how can I see the beautiful daughter of God rather than the ugliness satan wants me to see? If millions of people watched me and expected certain behavior how could I ever do differently? If these same people acted in love towards me and called out the beauty inside, how could I remain ugly?
God is calling us to love. I don't think that is what the world is getting from us on a whole. Let's give em something more shall we?
This stage we are in right now has forced me to come back over and over and ask what the heck? This sucks! I know it sucks, Chris knows it sucks, the kids know it sucks. So I have to keep figuring out how to lose that mindset. How can I not only survive this time but grow? I don't think big picture too much. Like how is this time gonna affect the kids 5 years down the road or 10? I know the now creates the future so if I am successful now, that's enough to worry about. I know it sucks, but how can I grow with God? I know it sucks, but how can I make Chris's life easier? I know I don't have time for my car stuff anymore so what could I do instead? Where else could my creative juices be allowed to flow? I don't have another adult to talk to so maybe I can tell God all the various angles I've come up with. How hard it is to stay upbeat without sunny D most days. You have a great sense of humor God giving Emma to me but how do I _______ and ________ and what about ________? I'm gonna lose my mind. And Tony and Josh and Ashtin and Chris? I'm barely keeping myself together how do I keep them together?
I learned from an old pastor friend and his wife how to keep giving. They didn't teach me how but after several years I began to see in myself the rewards of how they would speak to me. So I have begun trying to be positive and encouraging to those around me. This is something I can do in this stage of life. When at a store or wherever I try to use a persons name and thank them for whatever it is they do. The other day I stared obviously at a girl's name tag trying to read her name through the lengths of hair that kept moving across the letters until her hair moved away and at the same time she said, Chell. So I said, Chell (shell), that's really cool. Well thank you very much. Have a wonderful day! I find it really powerful when I intentionally use someone's name. Another time I had some special tithe money (not our regular paycheck tithe) and bought the ladies at the credit union some flowers and a gift card each. One time we were out to eat and on our way out gave $20 to a nervous young couple on a date. We don't have a lot of money so those things don't happen often but I am looking for more ways I can impact the lives around me. I have a vision of a group of 8 to 15 people meeting at our house and taking them to places of victory and growth. Places they don't know how to get to and then them going forward and doing the same for others. But that is not now. What can I do now? I've described some of that already. I can also become a better father, a better husband, a better steward of my house. I'm naturally a Debbie downer, a Eeyore. How can I be more positive? I am asking this of God, asking for His help to do what I cannot. There is so much I can do in this bummer of a time to positively grow. But what about those times I just let everything go? When I gripe instead of asking? When I yell instead of ______? When I totally pooch screw it? Those times suck and still come too often but I don't dwell and keep moving forward. I may have to repair stuff but I'm a gonna keep moving forward. The devil wins when I stop moving. I have given him far too much victory. It's not about always going forward. Sometimes planting myself and not going backward is growth. Is victory. Choosing conviction rather than condemnation.
I saw at the checkstand today one of the Kardashians is getting divorced. My heart was like, yes! Then God said no. I want the very best for her, same as I do for you. The lie of the world, the lie of satan, is that I should want her to be punished for all she has done. For her selfishness and selfcenteredness. Then God reminded me that I am selfish and selfcentered. That I derserve to be punished. But that is not what God wants for me. That is not what He wants for her. God is love. Love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrong doing. Whoa! If God is love and I'm becoming more like God, then I gotta love people, even the hard to love ones. That is just a small portion of 1st Corinthians 13 but it's probably enough to be my entire bucket list. Be patient. Be kind. Keep no record of wrong. This is life changing stuff here and yet I think few lives have been changed by it.
For all the miracles and recorded speaches of Jesus in the Bible it seems dificult still to really get who Jesus is and what that means for me. So much of my view of God and His will are viewed through a western filter. I have seen all of life through this filter and don't know anything else. How then can I remove it so to see God and Jesus unfiltered? We say, the woman caught in adultery. Jesus would say, the woman set free. Or, My precious virgin daughter. Jesus would call her by her true name. By who He created her to be. Jesus always calls us to who we are meant to be. He never calls us by our sin. When I see the magazine announcing this womans divorce, how can I see the beautiful daughter of God rather than the ugliness satan wants me to see? If millions of people watched me and expected certain behavior how could I ever do differently? If these same people acted in love towards me and called out the beauty inside, how could I remain ugly?
God is calling us to love. I don't think that is what the world is getting from us on a whole. Let's give em something more shall we?
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