These are my thoughts as I read thru the book of Mark. I am only putting scripture references in so you'll need to read along with your Bible if you want to know where I'm coming from. In some cases, you might read scripture first and have to go quite a ways through my comments before finding any correlation. I'm on Chapter 7 as I write this in ones and zeros so it's become apparent to me that these early comments are very short compared to ones to come. Please comment or debate if you like but be kind if you will.
Mark 1:4-John preached a baptism of repentance. Baptism was common for Gentiles, but Jews had no reason til now. Confess sins first, then be baptised. Beginning of a new life.
1:10-heaven being torn open-this wasn't like the clouds parting, this was a tearing of the fabric of our universe, our reality, wherein God's reality, the heavenly realm, and our reality, the earthly realm, were exposed to each other.
1:14-15 THE GOOD NEWS OF GOD: The kingdom of God is near.
1:9-25 Jesus did not begin His ministry until He had been baptised and received the Holy Spirit. Then He was tempted for 40 days. This 40 days was the furnace that forged Him for the work ahead. Notice Jesus didn't do any miracles until receiving the Holy Spirit.
1:38 Jesus came to preach
1:40-44 This may be the first person ever who could have fulfilled the law of showing himself to the priest to be declared pure after having had leprosy.-he did not however go to the priest.
1:23-25 & 40-45 Jesus' ministry had a time line and a master plan if you will. He needed to control the when and where or tempo of people's belief and disbelief also, to ensure the cross and fulfill all the Old Testament prophecy.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Friday, February 22, 2013
my family
This is about my family, not about the show my family which is really funny and much more entertaining than my family. My wife Christina is almost 4 years younger than I. Taniesha is the oldest kid at 21. We adopted her in God (too old to adopt legally) into our family Aug '12 at the ripe old age of 20 while roughly 7 mos pregnant. Next is Joe Hill at 20. He is my one child from my first marriage and I haven't had contact with him since he was about 1 yr old. Next is Anthony at 11, then Joshua at 9, and finally Ashtin, she's a ripe old 7 yrs of age. Of course, there's also Emma, daughter of Taniesha, and the family project. Of course daddy, i mean grandpa gets her most of the time, but everybody takes turns (not with diapers). We were determinately done with kids after Ashtin, however God has/had other plans. So here we are with our wonderful family of 7 all lovingly bundled into an 850sq ft mansion. So here's the part that you can't share. Like, don't tell my family, and especially my wife, but as I look at our family I get a strong feeling that God is not done adding to our numbers. Shhh. We are not having any more kids, just to make that clear. Took care of that with scissors/Morena, but I just have had this funny feeling about our flock increasing. So....like every other part of life I will wait, and wait, and see what God does. I will be busy in the waiting, but alas, I will wait to see how God continues to use us. The end for now.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I am tired
Tired of being used. Although God is using me, so is she. And I'm tired. Tired of the fight. Tired of the struggle. I don't want to keep going. Can I stop? I know I can't, but still I ask. I want off this crazy train.
How do I get refreshed n re-energized? So full of anger. Guess I expected too much from recent heart change, expected spiritual change to change rest of life. Spiritual transformation came so quick, other changes seem to be so slow to come or never to come. I just can't handle going around in circles any more. Where's commitment? Where are the things God has told her to do? What about that?
God, what's next? How do I continue on this journey in a positive way? Don't feel I can represent you, much less even be someone she should be around. I am really in the dumps. I am worn out. Top of previous page in my journal says "must be more concerned about God's will than our own good". How do I get back to there? I was all about that for soo long. Where'd I go wrong? How did my time with You get so lost? I am working on it. How long will it take to get back to caring for her? To want to help again? I know I still care or it wouldn't hurt so bad.
God,
I know I'm revealing hurts here for the whole world to see. Sometimes we just have to do that. To get prayer. To show pain. Imperfectness. I don't have it all figured out, not sure I have any of it figured out. I'm glad I'm not in control. You are in control God. You chose me for this mission. You know my pain, you know the end of the story. O God, help me. Be with me daily. Teach me. Strengthen me. Teach my heart. Prepare my heart once again to know the love that you have for her. Thank you God, amen.
How do I get refreshed n re-energized? So full of anger. Guess I expected too much from recent heart change, expected spiritual change to change rest of life. Spiritual transformation came so quick, other changes seem to be so slow to come or never to come. I just can't handle going around in circles any more. Where's commitment? Where are the things God has told her to do? What about that?
God, what's next? How do I continue on this journey in a positive way? Don't feel I can represent you, much less even be someone she should be around. I am really in the dumps. I am worn out. Top of previous page in my journal says "must be more concerned about God's will than our own good". How do I get back to there? I was all about that for soo long. Where'd I go wrong? How did my time with You get so lost? I am working on it. How long will it take to get back to caring for her? To want to help again? I know I still care or it wouldn't hurt so bad.
God,
I know I'm revealing hurts here for the whole world to see. Sometimes we just have to do that. To get prayer. To show pain. Imperfectness. I don't have it all figured out, not sure I have any of it figured out. I'm glad I'm not in control. You are in control God. You chose me for this mission. You know my pain, you know the end of the story. O God, help me. Be with me daily. Teach me. Strengthen me. Teach my heart. Prepare my heart once again to know the love that you have for her. Thank you God, amen.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
It was the year 2012, the year everything changed....again.
2012 started off in January. Can you believe that? Our year started off with a bang as we were asked to step down from youth leadership. As best as I can surmise, Chris had shared with some people much of the abuse she suffered as a child (with no counseling), and I shared with someone high in the church how I felt I was growing spiritually at a faster rate than Chris (which was causing difficulty in our marriage), the end result of which is they felt we might self destruct at some point and hurt those we were in ministry for. Then they told us we should attend Heartchange and go from there. We did attend HC another 6mos later and the church was gracious enough to provide for our hotel for 3 nights. The message I received from the church was you are broken and we don't want to invest in you but just go to this seminar and you'll get fixed. Right, wrong, or other, this is the message I heard. We tried to get into a couple of different HC workshops but with work and school for Chris and 3 kids to get sitting for a total of four days for, it took til mid July before we were able to attend.
In the time leading up to HC my spiritual life took a nosedive. I felt more and more hurt and had little support spiritually. I began to question everything about myself. Why was I not good enough to serve? What was so wrong with me? By the time July came around, I had come to a point where I was not spending time with God anymore. I had no desire to attend HC but knew if I didn't that some 20 years later might come to the place God wanted me and discover that I could have arrived all those years ago if I'd just attended HC. By the way, Heartchange is a four day workshop. I like to call it a four day spiritual boot camp, where you learn to heal hurts and so much more. It's totally free, yet priceless. At the end of day 3, I stood up in front of everyone and said "I'm not ready for change, and I'm not going to change, but God is in control and He knows what He's doing. Ironically, this was the catalyst for God changing me. Then the very last thing that happened on day 4 was someone whispering in my ear "the intimacy you are searching for with God, you already have." This totally transformed my life. These 38 people who finished with me are my family now. I would share anything with them.
Moving forward into August, we kept in contact with as many participants as possible. One of the people we didn't get to know very well was Taniesha. She was a 20yr old girl who was 6mos or so pregnant. As the days and weeks went by, she started calling Chris and talking about her life so a few weeks after HC we went up and spent several hours with her. During this time, Chris blurted out, we'll give you a place to live, then looked at me, and I was like, yeah, we could do that. Taniesha was born into an abusive family and at 4-5 yrs old was removed and put into foster care where she was bounced from home to home til the age of 8. Some of these homes were good and some were abusive. At 8 she was adopted by a Christian family, and though I hate to speak of things I only know from second hand info, I can say that they have been very hard on her, very critical, and abusive in some of the ways they treat her in the time we've known her. In the middle of August she came to live with us. From the day she came to us, she has not been a visitor but family. She is our daughter. Now, we can't legally adopt her being 21, but God has brought us together as family and who am I to argue.
When HC started, Taniesha referred to her baby as it, then God met with her and she bonded with the baby and by weekends end, was looking forward to adopting her out but being involved in the baby's life still. After moving in with us, the adoption work continued until one day she announced that God wanted her to keep baby, and would we help her? The answer was yes of course. I felt so blessed to be in that hospital room, to go through the process of labor with her, to be a part of this new life.
I knew going into this that I had no idea what I was getting into, that there was going to be a lot that I didn't know, but I had no idea. Figured I could see some of the rock above the water and that there would be more below the surface, but what I found out by the end of the year showed me that the rock below the surface extended exponentially. There is so much that I am not going to share here, but over Christmas break she had a guy friend come down to visit. Chris picked him up Christmas evening and he stayed four days, leaving each night to stay with a friend. When he arrived they weren't even dating, and by the third night, he asked my permission to marry her. I will say that this was the easiest to deal with thing that happened thru New Years day and the rest was more difficult than I could possibly have ever imagined.
So this year started off with difficulty, ended with difficulty, and in the middle was filled with so many God moments. I would not trade this last year for anything. So, skipping forward a few weeks into 2013, my precious daughter Taniesha has just rededicated her life to God and is feverishly working to deal with her past, and put her current into the past, and begin a new life with God.
I know I left so much out and I'm getting sick and my mind is a little spacy right now so I really hope I don't read this later and regret bunches left out or some put in but I'm pretty sure that this does not really adequately express all I want to convey.
In the time leading up to HC my spiritual life took a nosedive. I felt more and more hurt and had little support spiritually. I began to question everything about myself. Why was I not good enough to serve? What was so wrong with me? By the time July came around, I had come to a point where I was not spending time with God anymore. I had no desire to attend HC but knew if I didn't that some 20 years later might come to the place God wanted me and discover that I could have arrived all those years ago if I'd just attended HC. By the way, Heartchange is a four day workshop. I like to call it a four day spiritual boot camp, where you learn to heal hurts and so much more. It's totally free, yet priceless. At the end of day 3, I stood up in front of everyone and said "I'm not ready for change, and I'm not going to change, but God is in control and He knows what He's doing. Ironically, this was the catalyst for God changing me. Then the very last thing that happened on day 4 was someone whispering in my ear "the intimacy you are searching for with God, you already have." This totally transformed my life. These 38 people who finished with me are my family now. I would share anything with them.
Moving forward into August, we kept in contact with as many participants as possible. One of the people we didn't get to know very well was Taniesha. She was a 20yr old girl who was 6mos or so pregnant. As the days and weeks went by, she started calling Chris and talking about her life so a few weeks after HC we went up and spent several hours with her. During this time, Chris blurted out, we'll give you a place to live, then looked at me, and I was like, yeah, we could do that. Taniesha was born into an abusive family and at 4-5 yrs old was removed and put into foster care where she was bounced from home to home til the age of 8. Some of these homes were good and some were abusive. At 8 she was adopted by a Christian family, and though I hate to speak of things I only know from second hand info, I can say that they have been very hard on her, very critical, and abusive in some of the ways they treat her in the time we've known her. In the middle of August she came to live with us. From the day she came to us, she has not been a visitor but family. She is our daughter. Now, we can't legally adopt her being 21, but God has brought us together as family and who am I to argue.
When HC started, Taniesha referred to her baby as it, then God met with her and she bonded with the baby and by weekends end, was looking forward to adopting her out but being involved in the baby's life still. After moving in with us, the adoption work continued until one day she announced that God wanted her to keep baby, and would we help her? The answer was yes of course. I felt so blessed to be in that hospital room, to go through the process of labor with her, to be a part of this new life.
I knew going into this that I had no idea what I was getting into, that there was going to be a lot that I didn't know, but I had no idea. Figured I could see some of the rock above the water and that there would be more below the surface, but what I found out by the end of the year showed me that the rock below the surface extended exponentially. There is so much that I am not going to share here, but over Christmas break she had a guy friend come down to visit. Chris picked him up Christmas evening and he stayed four days, leaving each night to stay with a friend. When he arrived they weren't even dating, and by the third night, he asked my permission to marry her. I will say that this was the easiest to deal with thing that happened thru New Years day and the rest was more difficult than I could possibly have ever imagined.
So this year started off with difficulty, ended with difficulty, and in the middle was filled with so many God moments. I would not trade this last year for anything. So, skipping forward a few weeks into 2013, my precious daughter Taniesha has just rededicated her life to God and is feverishly working to deal with her past, and put her current into the past, and begin a new life with God.
I know I left so much out and I'm getting sick and my mind is a little spacy right now so I really hope I don't read this later and regret bunches left out or some put in but I'm pretty sure that this does not really adequately express all I want to convey.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
being Jesus
About a month ago, ok, six weeks or so ago, I was out yard saleing. This was one of those days when I wasn't really feeling it but there were two sales I wanted to go to. I don't remember the first but the second was a little ways out in the country. I kinda skipped all the stuff up by the house for the little bit of tools in front of shop. I was listening to this old guy tell his war stories to another customer then after he left it was my turn to try saving a few bucks on the battery charger I really wanted.
It's funny how people will tell their whole life story to someone they just met but that's kinda what he did. First was Vietnam, 1962. He was on a gunboat mapping out all the rivers. I don't remember the exact numbers but something like 175 guys went over and 30 or so came back. Then he talked of all his illness, relating much of it back to agent orange, and how the government denied the existence of it and therefore denied help for his health problems. Then we got rudely interrupted by a phone call. It was his son.
After the call was over he talked of his 40 years as a tough guy biker. How he used to ride with all these bad dudes. Then how his ex showed up one day with his son and some clothes and said, Here, take him, I can't do it any more. How his buddies couldn't believe she would leave the kid with him. Then he told me about what a kind and generous man his son had become. And how proud he was of him. Of how one day the boys mother came to him and thanked him for being such a great father and raising their son up the way he did.
Then came the story of being in a bar with his biker buddies one day some thirty odd years ago. Of this young girl in the bar who was being abused by these guys. Of how he took her out to his truck and told her to stay while he went back to the bar and finished his business. Of going back to his truck, back to this girl, who was so scared she was shaking. Terrified of the rape and abuse she was sure to suffer at the hands of this man.
Upon arriving at his house he told her, you can stay as long as you want with one condition, you are never return to that bar. Fast forward thirty some years to a phone call at a yard sale from a son to his father. A son who would tell his father that this now mid thirty year old woman and her son had just left a bad situation leaving them homeless and looking for help. This father who has no home of his own, but is living in a small trailer. This father who says, tell her I will get a house and she can come and live with me as long as she wants. This father who has been the hands and feet of Jesus many times without even knowing it.
Somewhere in the middle of this conversation we began to talk about Jesus. Somewhere in the middle of his story Jesus had found him. He says sheepishly, I don't normally talk about these things. He says, I have never found a church where I feel accepted. We talk about church, about the Bible, about talking to God. This big brave man is embarrassed to talk about God. Somewhere God got a hold of this man for some reason I don't know. For some reason God sent me to that yard sale, not just for the two battery chargers I got for $35, but to talk to a man about God. I have a feeling that God was not finished with him yet, and I know He's not finished with me yet. I can't help but have my heart warmed every time I think of this hardened biker Vietnam vet who's heart God is after. My God is good. His purposes I don't understand, but He is good. Amen!
It's funny how people will tell their whole life story to someone they just met but that's kinda what he did. First was Vietnam, 1962. He was on a gunboat mapping out all the rivers. I don't remember the exact numbers but something like 175 guys went over and 30 or so came back. Then he talked of all his illness, relating much of it back to agent orange, and how the government denied the existence of it and therefore denied help for his health problems. Then we got rudely interrupted by a phone call. It was his son.
After the call was over he talked of his 40 years as a tough guy biker. How he used to ride with all these bad dudes. Then how his ex showed up one day with his son and some clothes and said, Here, take him, I can't do it any more. How his buddies couldn't believe she would leave the kid with him. Then he told me about what a kind and generous man his son had become. And how proud he was of him. Of how one day the boys mother came to him and thanked him for being such a great father and raising their son up the way he did.
Then came the story of being in a bar with his biker buddies one day some thirty odd years ago. Of this young girl in the bar who was being abused by these guys. Of how he took her out to his truck and told her to stay while he went back to the bar and finished his business. Of going back to his truck, back to this girl, who was so scared she was shaking. Terrified of the rape and abuse she was sure to suffer at the hands of this man.
Upon arriving at his house he told her, you can stay as long as you want with one condition, you are never return to that bar. Fast forward thirty some years to a phone call at a yard sale from a son to his father. A son who would tell his father that this now mid thirty year old woman and her son had just left a bad situation leaving them homeless and looking for help. This father who has no home of his own, but is living in a small trailer. This father who says, tell her I will get a house and she can come and live with me as long as she wants. This father who has been the hands and feet of Jesus many times without even knowing it.
Somewhere in the middle of this conversation we began to talk about Jesus. Somewhere in the middle of his story Jesus had found him. He says sheepishly, I don't normally talk about these things. He says, I have never found a church where I feel accepted. We talk about church, about the Bible, about talking to God. This big brave man is embarrassed to talk about God. Somewhere God got a hold of this man for some reason I don't know. For some reason God sent me to that yard sale, not just for the two battery chargers I got for $35, but to talk to a man about God. I have a feeling that God was not finished with him yet, and I know He's not finished with me yet. I can't help but have my heart warmed every time I think of this hardened biker Vietnam vet who's heart God is after. My God is good. His purposes I don't understand, but He is good. Amen!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
God movies and using their lessons in my life.
A while back i picked up a two movie pack at Wally world. Faith like potatoes and Facing the Giants. What i love about watching movies like these is that unlike a book, with a movie you actually get to see how the subject is practiced. Like with potatoes, you get this picture of radical child like faith. The lead character finds God for reals and he just takes God at his word. Ya know, the Bible. When he has a fire out of control he just prays for rain. But unlike us, he believes God will send it and he does. Not only that, but his corn crop is totally destroyed by the fire and comes back to life. Another time two people are injured, one of them dies, and he prays over her, lifts her up and she comes back to life. Like the faith that you and i would have if we had watched God create the world. The faith that we are supposed to have.
Then there's the Giants. This guys a football coach in a Christian school and everything in his life that can go wrong has. When he has no more rope to reach the end of he turns to God. Like up all night just pounding the Word to standing out in a field just talking to God. Totally honest communication. He just gives everything in his life to God. He takes God into the locker room and teaches the players that putting God in their lives has got to come before football or anything else. God has to be the foundation. The school finds itself in a revival. There's a guy who goes thru the school every day and prays over every locker, year after year, waiting for revival. He never gives up and never loses hope. And he gets to see that revival.
How awesome would it be if we prayed over every chair before service? Not because David asks us to but because we want to see God move in our students. How many things would we start doing or doing differently if everything came out of service to God? If God was at the core of everything? Both of these would be considered radical by most people. The problem is that they are not radical. They are simply following the Biblical way of serving God. The problem is that the rest of the world is radically far away from God's design. We are radically far away.
Sometimes it is very hard for me to picture what it looks like to walk out my faith. When I see these movies it's like, Oh, that's how that should look. Well, duh. Anyways, if you haven't seen these i strongly recommend watching them. Potatoes is pretty slow and didn't hit me at first but its been over a month and i still can't get it out of my mind. Giants has only been a few days ago and i really want to keep that picture fresh in my mind of how to implement my faith all day.
Yesterday i was out in the shop doing this job and it was kicking my butt. I tried one last thing and when it didn't work i started cussing at it and it was ugly for a minute. Then i had this glimpse of if my work brought glory to God then he would bless it. I stopped and said i'm sorry God. I don't know how to fix this and i don't really know how to bring you glory in my work but i'm asking for help. I couldn't even tell you if it was a minute or ten minutes or an hour but the next thing i remember is looking at it and realizing i had the wrong adapter on it and when the right one was used it came right apart. And i was so in the middle of it that it took me like a day to realize what God had done. I asked for help, he helped, and i didn't even catch it.
What if i went to Walmart and prayed before entering store; God, help me to focus and buy only what i need. To not waste a bunch of my day. What if i prayed when i got home; God, help me to bless my family and represent Christ to them. What if i invited God into every part of my life? Just the very thought of that brings shivers down my spine. Imagine how God would work in my life. Imagine all the stuff he could get done if i would just get out of the way.
Imagine if you work with customers all day and just find a way to say a short prayer for every customer. Imagine if you dedicated your shift to God. Imagine the Holy Spirit hovering over you and touching each person as you interact with them. Literally, take some time and try to imagine stuff like this. I'm telling you. No matter what you imagine it will pale in comparison to what God will do if you will dedicate that time to Him. I dare you. I double dog dare you. When i finish this post i'm going to pray over it. That anyone who would benefit from this would find it. I've never done that before but there's a bunch of things i've never done before and God only know where this will lead. Where my life is going. God bless every one of you who reads this. Praise be to God.
Then there's the Giants. This guys a football coach in a Christian school and everything in his life that can go wrong has. When he has no more rope to reach the end of he turns to God. Like up all night just pounding the Word to standing out in a field just talking to God. Totally honest communication. He just gives everything in his life to God. He takes God into the locker room and teaches the players that putting God in their lives has got to come before football or anything else. God has to be the foundation. The school finds itself in a revival. There's a guy who goes thru the school every day and prays over every locker, year after year, waiting for revival. He never gives up and never loses hope. And he gets to see that revival.
How awesome would it be if we prayed over every chair before service? Not because David asks us to but because we want to see God move in our students. How many things would we start doing or doing differently if everything came out of service to God? If God was at the core of everything? Both of these would be considered radical by most people. The problem is that they are not radical. They are simply following the Biblical way of serving God. The problem is that the rest of the world is radically far away from God's design. We are radically far away.
Sometimes it is very hard for me to picture what it looks like to walk out my faith. When I see these movies it's like, Oh, that's how that should look. Well, duh. Anyways, if you haven't seen these i strongly recommend watching them. Potatoes is pretty slow and didn't hit me at first but its been over a month and i still can't get it out of my mind. Giants has only been a few days ago and i really want to keep that picture fresh in my mind of how to implement my faith all day.
Yesterday i was out in the shop doing this job and it was kicking my butt. I tried one last thing and when it didn't work i started cussing at it and it was ugly for a minute. Then i had this glimpse of if my work brought glory to God then he would bless it. I stopped and said i'm sorry God. I don't know how to fix this and i don't really know how to bring you glory in my work but i'm asking for help. I couldn't even tell you if it was a minute or ten minutes or an hour but the next thing i remember is looking at it and realizing i had the wrong adapter on it and when the right one was used it came right apart. And i was so in the middle of it that it took me like a day to realize what God had done. I asked for help, he helped, and i didn't even catch it.
What if i went to Walmart and prayed before entering store; God, help me to focus and buy only what i need. To not waste a bunch of my day. What if i prayed when i got home; God, help me to bless my family and represent Christ to them. What if i invited God into every part of my life? Just the very thought of that brings shivers down my spine. Imagine how God would work in my life. Imagine all the stuff he could get done if i would just get out of the way.
Imagine if you work with customers all day and just find a way to say a short prayer for every customer. Imagine if you dedicated your shift to God. Imagine the Holy Spirit hovering over you and touching each person as you interact with them. Literally, take some time and try to imagine stuff like this. I'm telling you. No matter what you imagine it will pale in comparison to what God will do if you will dedicate that time to Him. I dare you. I double dog dare you. When i finish this post i'm going to pray over it. That anyone who would benefit from this would find it. I've never done that before but there's a bunch of things i've never done before and God only know where this will lead. Where my life is going. God bless every one of you who reads this. Praise be to God.
Life is dangerous
So Josh brought home a book from school simply titled "100 most dangerous things on the planet". On the back cover are listed; avalanches, earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, wildfires, asteroid strikes, rattlesnakes, bears, brake failure, etc.
What is the likely hood that any of that would happen to me? The much more dangerous part of life is just walking down the street. Getting a stomach ache that won't go away. Crashing my bike for the millionth time with no helmet. Falling out of bunkbed or treehouse or.......
This world is such a dangerous place that none of us should even make it to 20yrs old much less 100. I just think it interesting how much time we spend thinking about these radical ways our life could end when it's likely to be something not even worth writing about. So.....have a safe day.
What is the likely hood that any of that would happen to me? The much more dangerous part of life is just walking down the street. Getting a stomach ache that won't go away. Crashing my bike for the millionth time with no helmet. Falling out of bunkbed or treehouse or.......
This world is such a dangerous place that none of us should even make it to 20yrs old much less 100. I just think it interesting how much time we spend thinking about these radical ways our life could end when it's likely to be something not even worth writing about. So.....have a safe day.
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