It is tough to live within our means. Sometimes it's the choice between this thing or that, other times there are no choices available. Money has been wisely spent but there's just no more of it. It's kind of a trapped feeling that I'm sure many of you can relate to. We don't mis-spend our money, don't buy things without reason. There are no credit cards and even checks went away a long time ago.
This is the life we've chosen. We've had no dreams of wealth. Well, except for the lottery. Did you buy the ticket honey? No, I thought you did. We have dreams. Not dreams of better, wealthier days. Old fashioned dreams of happy and healthy kids playing in the back yard. Of evenings spent just the wifee and me, watching tv or some other mindless activity. And for the most part those dreams have come true. The Viper is still just a Hotwheel. All the hot rods dreamt of just sit rusting away, still waiting on some day.
There is contentment in this place. A knowing beyond all doubt that God has cared for us. Has brought us through and protected us. He has blessed us much. Why then do I get these times of hopelessness and despair? Why is my spirit low? And why does God who cares for us and provides all our needs leave us with debt from medical issues and doctor visits? I feel that especially as a Christian my debts should be paid. Another should not be suffering because of me. Even a company. Yet every year we still have debt. Some gets paid off and a little more springs up. It seems like it would be so freeing to not owe others. God could provide means to pay it all off so in some way or another it seems that it is not a priority to God. Seems like that means I shouldn't stress about it or worry about it even.
I have faith. I trust you God. You don't need to build to a dramatic pause for my faith. I believe. So you can just do it now. I don't know if I've ever said that but sure have thought it. Like God, I know you know what you're doing but just this once do it my way. Maybe He's not working just on faith but my patience too. I don't like that idea. I have a lot of patience except when I don't. No need to work there. Maybe I should just buy a lottery ticket, odds much better than changing God's mind. His plan is so much better, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes I know enough of the answers but just want to wallow. Swim in self pity for a bit.
Once upon a time we had two incomes. The kids were much younger. Then grandma got too sick to take care of them and my job came to an end. We chose the one income road. To raise our kids ourselves rather than childcare. Next to having kids this was probably the best decision we've made. I don't ever regret it but do resent not having money. So here's my little vent. Nothing needs to be fixed but the brain needs to let go of things and move on. So here's to moving on. To new challenges as well as old.
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