God I find this life with you so easy but it's a trap. As the hours and minutes of the days pass by, this conversation so effortlessly flows between me and you. It's that lack of effort that is both the sign of my maturity in you and my death if I stay there. I have fought and struggled to find a place of intimacy with you. I have read scripture for hours and prayed as long as I could. I have fasted from scripture and taken no formal time for prayer. Through it all you have led me to this peaceful place.
Yet in this place of peace I'm becoming aware of another great threat. Yesterday in my thoughts I began to desire the mountain top experience. You led me away from that God. You told me that although those experiences are good, I cannot live there. Living there for me builds a fine network of roots, but they are near the surface. You took me away from all the noise, from the emotional charges that thrust me toward you.
In the quiet place you met me. You allowed my doubts and fears to surface. All around seems to be chaos. How can things be as they are if there is a loving all powerful God above them? Why would a god let that happen? It doesn't make sense to me.
You have shown me the answers, given me wisdom and knowledge and understanding. Yet none of that can quench this burning why in my mind. My heart desperately yearns to see more than glimpses of you in a world on fire. Thousands of years ago Solomon came to the same place. He said it was all meaningless, a blowing of the wind. I know that it is not. You are working every detail of your master plan. That understanding though does not quench my spirit.
Then it is that you turn me in. You show me that truth that is without defense. I am not who I was. I am yet a wretched man, but far from the wretch I would be without you. You saved me, remade me. You continue to remake me. How crazy is it that the greatest proof I have of God is me?
God, you are crazier than I will ever be. You created man and set him free in this amazing world. There really are no strings attached in this life. But for the life ahead, that is a whole other matter. How can you allow man such freedom knowing he will screw it up? I get it. Reason and logic answer that for me. I can look at the "big" picture and answer it. But that doesn't settle my heart God.
One of the scariest verses in the Bible says that those you have called you have also chosen. Together with wide is the road to hell and many are those who take it (Rough Jethro's memory versions). I look at this and conclude that God created a bunch of people for hell. This sounds eerily like what someone who's left faith for atheism would say. But not this dude. Over and over again God uses my questions to strengthen my foundation in Him. I see what He has done in my life and there is no other explanation but the working of thee master craftsman. I am so thankful you have chosen me God. So thankful.
And now I must look to be more deliberate in my time with you God. Conversation throughout my day must also be met with more times of intentionalness Or intentionality. As I have grown with you, you have taken me through many different ways of meeting together. Change is the constant in this life and change again it is.
Ahhh, so now the rabbit trail that took me so far from where I started many paragraphs ago has returned. Starting to feel I should have named this blog "the rabbit trail."
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