As I was driving my daughter to gymnastics I came across a young man holding a sign. He looked to be in his mid 20s and was looking for bus fare to Olympia. Gymnastics were across town so I went through my mental list of why it couldn't be us. My daughter will be late. I will miss out on the stores I frequent on my way home. What will Chris say about the money? How much is bus fare anyway? So I kept driving.
As we were leaving the house I had checked the mail and was now staring at the book the mailman had delivered. The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations (walking alongside people who believe differently.) As I read those words I felt God kindly flicking his finger on the back of my conscience. I was reminded of this idea that we rush past those needing help so we can get to the church staff meeting on time. This book is a study on the 9 ways Jesus brought the good news to people in a natural, non threatening way. In case you wanted to know.
Well I went back and picked him up. And Ashtin was late to gymnastics. And I did miss my stores. And my wife was ok with the money. God speaks to each of us in our own language. He soon spoke to me. We were heading across town when at a stop light I read the words on the rear window ahead of us. "I aim to misbehave". How cool is that? I said. That's from Serenity. I love that movie he said. Then he asked, did you ever see Firefly, the show before the movie? God spoke thru my favorite movie.
We passed Teen Challenge. I said, that place is so cool. What is it he asked? Well it's just a thrift store but all the people who work there are in recovery. It's a one year program where they house you and teach job skills. By the time you get out you have skills enough to enter society and not relapse. I go to the methadone clinic he said. I have to go every morning. I think soon I won't have to go every day. That's how I make it.
Told me he was a vet and we talked about many other things. I paid for his bus ticket and drove away thinking about all that had happened.
This morning I stopped to get milk. I didn't get my usual cashier. She was one lane over but noticed I had Emma with me. When we were done we made our way to her register. She had one of those rare breaks with no customers. She asked if I'd found the Hotwheel she's looking for. Then she asked if we had stayed in the lodge at Crater Lake (I had my CL hoodie on.) She then began to tell me of her own trip there when she was young. How the transmission on her dad's new truck quit when they got there. How he was able to tow it home. She said he fixed it as tears started to appear. He could fix anything. It's all my fault! If I had called 911 faster he wouldn't have died. She's really working to hold back tears now. So your dad died soon after? Yes. It's been over 50 years and I still blame myself. If I had just called 911 sooner. I know it's not my fault. I know it, but I just can't believe it. As she points to her head and then her heart I say yeah, it's just those 12 inches. She said a friend was going to a conference on grief this Friday through her church but she has to work. I said I know a place. A place where we help you move those 12 inches from the head to heart.
I don't know if she will go. I do know that God ordained this moment. I played my part for now. I don't know if my part is over in these two lives or if I have more to play but I pray Lord that I am ready. I pray Lord that you have your way. That they each get what they need from you.
I more often than not fall when God says stand. I walk when He says run. I sit when He says walk. But He chose me and He is using me. Despite my failures and inconsistencies He still uses me. He still loves me. He says I choose you, still. Man, what a great God we serve.
50 years! It keeps ringing in my head. Over 50 years and I still blame myself. Oh God, I can't wait til you give her peace. I can't wait until I see her on the other side of that grief. Do your thing God!!
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