Emotions and more

     We have much in common. All of us live on planet earth, breath air, eat, sleep, and share this thing called emotions. We all know what emotions are. I cried my eyes out at Babylon V "Sleeping in the Light" as Sheridan came to the end of his 20 year death sentence for going to Z'ha'dum. I got angry when Chris and I found someone was stealing money from us. When Chris's mom died I think I was more sad for Chris and for the kids than I was for losing her. And right now loneliness is quite common and probably will be for some time.

     Our emotions have limits though. I have come to the end of myself, just quit. Put the brakes on, thrown the lever in park, and let life pass me by, not knowing if I would join the fray again. You see, I can only take so much. I love to feel invincible. Just bring it on. I can take all you can dish. But the truth is I can't. And this is what separates me from God. This and a gazillion other things.

     I am made in the image of God. I have little pieces of the different bits of God. Enough of these pieces so that I can relate to Him, but not enough that I can do it without Him. That's the real separation. God can do it all. He experiences all of the pain I do but is not weighed down by it. He soars on the highs of my joy but is never ungrounded. God has the unlimited capacity to experience every evil and remain perfect in love. That's why He is God and I am not.

     I have wanted so badly to not experience loneliness any more. For life to change and gift me with what it is I think I need. From God of course. But then I hear a whisper. I hear God say, What will you do during this time? I don't really like that question. I mean I like to think about it and dream about it but not really act on it. I am learning though. God help me if I ever stop learning.

     So here I am. I am writing about my experience. It might be the tiniest little thing but I'm doing it. And I am listening each day as I bump into people both real and digital for the Spirit to show me how I can encourage them. I have not mastered the art of intimacy with God so each day that is something I strive toward. And I look for ways to encourage my wife, to relieve some of her burdens.

     It is thru my brokenness, my out of control emotions, my struggle through the day to day malaise that I find God. Though I desperately want to be all put together I much rather want to need God. Here I am God, needing you as much as ever.