I hurt my back today. My back was tight all morning but being the manly man I am that didn't stop me from bending over to adjust the sprinkler. Oh!, that hurt. I always feel better if I've been lifting an engine or pushing a truck by myself when the back goes. Always seems pretty wussy doing the equivalent of lifting a pencil.
I've been thinking lately about men a generation or two before me. I was born in the early 70s and many of the friends I grew up with came up in very Godly homes. Try as I might I do not remember any time I heard a Godly man say anything religious outside of church. It seems that was the job of mothers. We all had these little signs in and around our homes. Some were Bible verses, some were churchy sayings, maybe the golden rule. But all of this and I think most Bible teaching in the home came from mothers.
I feel as if showing that Godly side is akin to expressing emotion. To expressing weakness. And men of old were never to show weakness. It's a man's struggle. We go to work. We go to war. We bear up under incredibly hard work conditions. We see and do things for God and Country that no human should ever experience. We have a box inside us labeled work. In this box go all the times the boss yelled or humiliated us. All the times the hammer missed the nail. The scars where the tree broke the back. The men who died or lost limbs on the job. This box gets opened first thing as home drifts away and closed up tight before the first glimpse of spouse or the curly haired young lady he used to bounce on his knee comes in to view. At no time can his loved ones be allowed to experience it's contents.
Many have an uglier box. This box is war. The contents of this box are as black as sin. Although filled to protect the family, this same family would
be lost if exposed to it's contents. Children killed, villages wiped out, comrades blown into eternity. Limbs and souls lost forever. This box must be tightly capped, guarded fiercely.
Men have been uniquely created with a great ability to divide life into internal boxes and to guard those boxes lest they begin to bleed in to other boxes. Boxes like intimacy, spirit and soul, spouse, child, church and many more. This has been one of our greatest God given attributes.
Keeping thinks so strongly separated in our lives makes it difficult to be open with those who need to know us. There has been a great push in the last 30 years or so for men to be open and emotional as women are. The pendulum has swung almost all the way over. Men are praised for being open and soft and crying freely. In general women no longer want a tough hardened compartmentalized man. We've taken it so far as to make it desireable for two men to share a relationship as husband and wife. One of these men has to fill a feminine role, the other masculine. There are now two less men to create a balanced home with each a wife also.
My church has been struggling for years to create a strong base of Godly, well balanced men who will lead their homes and train up younger men to do the same. You see, there is a ground somewhere in the middle that is desireable. Men who are strong. Men who are courageous. Men who will go to any length to protect their family. Most of all they will do whatever it takes to raise up Godly children, to see that their wife is spiritually fed, that God has priority in their home. These men are so few and far between because we have allowed society to dictate what a man is. A society that wants nothing to do with God's design for man.
This is our call. To be men of God. A man of God knows that nothing is so important as salvation. All of life must be seen through the lens of himself, his wife, and his children one day passing through heaven's gates. And he knows that his God is a God of love. He must love fiercely. Sometimes this love must crack the lid to forbidden boxes and allow spouse and children to know what lies beneath the surface. To expose some of the keys to why he does what he does, what makes him tick. True intimacy must reveal all that can possibly be shared between spouses. There may be things that cannot be shared. Things dark and evil that may destroy a soul. War is especially common here. These things a woman must be willing to let go. A man would do good to let his wife know that these places exist. That his love for her is why she can not know these details. Places like this have wounded his soul deeply and might destroy hers also. These boxes that compatmentalize a man are there to protect him. They also protect her.
We are called to be the leaders of our homes. This is our purpose. To love God. To love our spouse. To love our children. To love others as our circle goes out. To do this we must first become healthy in relationship with God. We must seek out what it means to be a man. Are there men around you who can teach you? Are you able to lead other men? Who could you team up with to help each other grow? A Bible or book study, a men's retreat, a Christian leaders business meeting, the teenager next door? Maybe there is an old man down the street whose wife would love you to get him out to the shop.
Get rid of the junk. I have crass articles and half naked ladies coming across my Facebook from friends who want to grow in Christ. It seems obvious to me what needs to happen but these changes are tough. Is there someone like that which you could come along side and mentor? Do you have struggles like these you need to share? Sin kept in secret will eat you alive. I think there are few men left who do not struggle sexually with impurity. Then there is drugs and alcohol and whatever else. You are not alone. Do not fight this alone. Find someone to be open with. To share with. To pray with. Alone we die. Together we can find victory. Our marriages can be better than we've ever dreamed. Our kids can be lights in their schools. And any manly man who wants to come over and adjust my sprinkler so I don't hurt myself, you are invited.
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