Kidney stones and deeper faith. You want ONE of these things.

     Saturday night I was laying in bed with pain that had started in the afternoon as a 5 or 6 but by 8 or 9 pm had graduated off the scale. I had been in the er Tuesday morning for excruciating pain, was drugged, prescribed, and sent home. Thursday night back in the er. Again drugged, prescribed, and sent home. Saturday night about 11 pm when I finally agreed for my wife to take me back in the pain was so severe I could barely move. I got out of car by er doors, she sped off to park, I fell to the ground and puked (got it in the bag). She quickly showed up, went to get nurse coming with wheel chair and I began slowly crawling toward door. I couldn't even stand.

     Let's back up just a bit. It's somewhere between 9 and 10 pm Saturday night, I'm on my bed, hunched up on my knees and elbows, in pain so bad I don't know how to describe it. Chris finds me after putting kids to bed, not knowing the pain Ive been suffering. She begins asking me questions but my breathing is so quick I can't really talk. I pull my phone close and Youtube a Jeremy Riddle song. I get a 1hr worship set and begin screaming and crying out to my Lord. My singing must have sounded like the hounds of war. I cried out and gave my Savior all I had. He brought His mighty hand down and by the power of His angels did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada.

     So now we're at the hospital. 3rd trip in 5 days. As per protocol and my best wishes they get me drugged up in a bit of time but the drugs just wont kill the pain. It is brought down quite a bit at times so once again they release me, best of luck sir, get well soon, goodbye. This time however, as soon as the iv is removed my pain comes back with a vengeance. I barely can get dressed with help and by the time I do I'm screaming and yelping in pain. Then someone came in and said they are prepping a room and keeping me overnight.

     Sometime between Saturday night and Sunday morning they found my left kidney was blocked, got an or set up and put a stint in. As I understand it the stint keeps the passage open so all the debris blocking my kiney can now escape. It's painful to pee but no pain meds so far.

     I begged and begged God to fix it, to remove my pain. I don't know why He didn't. But I do know if I hadn't continued to be in pain at the er Saturday night I would probably still be in that pain.

I feel like the rest of this is just religious mumbo jumbo tacked on at the end so if it helps you great. If it bothers you then don't read it.

     I don't know why God answered or didn't answer the way He did. But I do trust God. I can only see my little part but God is in the hearts and minds of everyone who was any part of this ordeal, which is not yet finished. I cried out to my God and my wife lay on the bed next to me crying and weeping. When I started singing in my pain she must have thought, what is this idiot doing? Then I asked her to pray for me. I've been praying! I've been praying! She said. I want to hear you. Was my response. She does not feel comfortable praying aloud but I would not relent. Something in me just had to hear her pray. I had to hear her talk to our God for me.

     God is always for us. A new or a simple faith needs evidence, needs proof. A mature faith has seen the evidence and proofs of its younger self. It needs not live on those because it has grown deep in relationship with its creator. All of life's journey is for this deeper faith. A shallow faith might get you to heaven but what about now? Don't you want to experience the wonders of God now? I am chasing after an abundant life. The abundant life that Jesus said I should have. I have not arrived. I do not have it all so I am still chasing. I will never arrive completely on this side but I will continue to pursue, for that is my call. To come to know Christ in new and deeper ways.