2012 started off in January. Can you believe that? Our year started off with a bang as we were asked to step down from youth leadership. As best as I can surmise, Chris had shared with some people much of the abuse she suffered as a child (with no counseling), and I shared with someone high in the church how I felt I was growing spiritually at a faster rate than Chris (which was causing difficulty in our marriage), the end result of which is they felt we might self destruct at some point and hurt those we were in ministry for. Then they told us we should attend Heartchange and go from there. We did attend HC another 6mos later and the church was gracious enough to provide for our hotel for 3 nights. The message I received from the church was you are broken and we don't want to invest in you but just go to this seminar and you'll get fixed. Right, wrong, or other, this is the message I heard. We tried to get into a couple of different HC workshops but with work and school for Chris and 3 kids to get sitting for a total of four days for, it took til mid July before we were able to attend.
In the time leading up to HC my spiritual life took a nosedive. I felt more and more hurt and had little support spiritually. I began to question everything about myself. Why was I not good enough to serve? What was so wrong with me? By the time July came around, I had come to a point where I was not spending time with God anymore. I had no desire to attend HC but knew if I didn't that some 20 years later might come to the place God wanted me and discover that I could have arrived all those years ago if I'd just attended HC. By the way, Heartchange is a four day workshop. I like to call it a four day spiritual boot camp, where you learn to heal hurts and so much more. It's totally free, yet priceless. At the end of day 3, I stood up in front of everyone and said "I'm not ready for change, and I'm not going to change, but God is in control and He knows what He's doing. Ironically, this was the catalyst for God changing me. Then the very last thing that happened on day 4 was someone whispering in my ear "the intimacy you are searching for with God, you already have." This totally transformed my life. These 38 people who finished with me are my family now. I would share anything with them.
Moving forward into August, we kept in contact with as many participants as possible. One of the people we didn't get to know very well was Taniesha. She was a 20yr old girl who was 6mos or so pregnant. As the days and weeks went by, she started calling Chris and talking about her life so a few weeks after HC we went up and spent several hours with her. During this time, Chris blurted out, we'll give you a place to live, then looked at me, and I was like, yeah, we could do that. Taniesha was born into an abusive family and at 4-5 yrs old was removed and put into foster care where she was bounced from home to home til the age of 8. Some of these homes were good and some were abusive. At 8 she was adopted by a Christian family, and though I hate to speak of things I only know from second hand info, I can say that they have been very hard on her, very critical, and abusive in some of the ways they treat her in the time we've known her. In the middle of August she came to live with us. From the day she came to us, she has not been a visitor but family. She is our daughter. Now, we can't legally adopt her being 21, but God has brought us together as family and who am I to argue.
When HC started, Taniesha referred to her baby as it, then God met with her and she bonded with the baby and by weekends end, was looking forward to adopting her out but being involved in the baby's life still. After moving in with us, the adoption work continued until one day she announced that God wanted her to keep baby, and would we help her? The answer was yes of course. I felt so blessed to be in that hospital room, to go through the process of labor with her, to be a part of this new life.
I knew going into this that I had no idea what I was getting into, that there was going to be a lot that I didn't know, but I had no idea. Figured I could see some of the rock above the water and that there would be more below the surface, but what I found out by the end of the year showed me that the rock below the surface extended exponentially. There is so much that I am not going to share here, but over Christmas break she had a guy friend come down to visit. Chris picked him up Christmas evening and he stayed four days, leaving each night to stay with a friend. When he arrived they weren't even dating, and by the third night, he asked my permission to marry her. I will say that this was the easiest to deal with thing that happened thru New Years day and the rest was more difficult than I could possibly have ever imagined.
So this year started off with difficulty, ended with difficulty, and in the middle was filled with so many God moments. I would not trade this last year for anything. So, skipping forward a few weeks into 2013, my precious daughter Taniesha has just rededicated her life to God and is feverishly working to deal with her past, and put her current into the past, and begin a new life with God.
I know I left so much out and I'm getting sick and my mind is a little spacy right now so I really hope I don't read this later and regret bunches left out or some put in but I'm pretty sure that this does not really adequately express all I want to convey.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
being Jesus
About a month ago, ok, six weeks or so ago, I was out yard saleing. This was one of those days when I wasn't really feeling it but there were two sales I wanted to go to. I don't remember the first but the second was a little ways out in the country. I kinda skipped all the stuff up by the house for the little bit of tools in front of shop. I was listening to this old guy tell his war stories to another customer then after he left it was my turn to try saving a few bucks on the battery charger I really wanted.
It's funny how people will tell their whole life story to someone they just met but that's kinda what he did. First was Vietnam, 1962. He was on a gunboat mapping out all the rivers. I don't remember the exact numbers but something like 175 guys went over and 30 or so came back. Then he talked of all his illness, relating much of it back to agent orange, and how the government denied the existence of it and therefore denied help for his health problems. Then we got rudely interrupted by a phone call. It was his son.
After the call was over he talked of his 40 years as a tough guy biker. How he used to ride with all these bad dudes. Then how his ex showed up one day with his son and some clothes and said, Here, take him, I can't do it any more. How his buddies couldn't believe she would leave the kid with him. Then he told me about what a kind and generous man his son had become. And how proud he was of him. Of how one day the boys mother came to him and thanked him for being such a great father and raising their son up the way he did.
Then came the story of being in a bar with his biker buddies one day some thirty odd years ago. Of this young girl in the bar who was being abused by these guys. Of how he took her out to his truck and told her to stay while he went back to the bar and finished his business. Of going back to his truck, back to this girl, who was so scared she was shaking. Terrified of the rape and abuse she was sure to suffer at the hands of this man.
Upon arriving at his house he told her, you can stay as long as you want with one condition, you are never return to that bar. Fast forward thirty some years to a phone call at a yard sale from a son to his father. A son who would tell his father that this now mid thirty year old woman and her son had just left a bad situation leaving them homeless and looking for help. This father who has no home of his own, but is living in a small trailer. This father who says, tell her I will get a house and she can come and live with me as long as she wants. This father who has been the hands and feet of Jesus many times without even knowing it.
Somewhere in the middle of this conversation we began to talk about Jesus. Somewhere in the middle of his story Jesus had found him. He says sheepishly, I don't normally talk about these things. He says, I have never found a church where I feel accepted. We talk about church, about the Bible, about talking to God. This big brave man is embarrassed to talk about God. Somewhere God got a hold of this man for some reason I don't know. For some reason God sent me to that yard sale, not just for the two battery chargers I got for $35, but to talk to a man about God. I have a feeling that God was not finished with him yet, and I know He's not finished with me yet. I can't help but have my heart warmed every time I think of this hardened biker Vietnam vet who's heart God is after. My God is good. His purposes I don't understand, but He is good. Amen!
It's funny how people will tell their whole life story to someone they just met but that's kinda what he did. First was Vietnam, 1962. He was on a gunboat mapping out all the rivers. I don't remember the exact numbers but something like 175 guys went over and 30 or so came back. Then he talked of all his illness, relating much of it back to agent orange, and how the government denied the existence of it and therefore denied help for his health problems. Then we got rudely interrupted by a phone call. It was his son.
After the call was over he talked of his 40 years as a tough guy biker. How he used to ride with all these bad dudes. Then how his ex showed up one day with his son and some clothes and said, Here, take him, I can't do it any more. How his buddies couldn't believe she would leave the kid with him. Then he told me about what a kind and generous man his son had become. And how proud he was of him. Of how one day the boys mother came to him and thanked him for being such a great father and raising their son up the way he did.
Then came the story of being in a bar with his biker buddies one day some thirty odd years ago. Of this young girl in the bar who was being abused by these guys. Of how he took her out to his truck and told her to stay while he went back to the bar and finished his business. Of going back to his truck, back to this girl, who was so scared she was shaking. Terrified of the rape and abuse she was sure to suffer at the hands of this man.
Upon arriving at his house he told her, you can stay as long as you want with one condition, you are never return to that bar. Fast forward thirty some years to a phone call at a yard sale from a son to his father. A son who would tell his father that this now mid thirty year old woman and her son had just left a bad situation leaving them homeless and looking for help. This father who has no home of his own, but is living in a small trailer. This father who says, tell her I will get a house and she can come and live with me as long as she wants. This father who has been the hands and feet of Jesus many times without even knowing it.
Somewhere in the middle of this conversation we began to talk about Jesus. Somewhere in the middle of his story Jesus had found him. He says sheepishly, I don't normally talk about these things. He says, I have never found a church where I feel accepted. We talk about church, about the Bible, about talking to God. This big brave man is embarrassed to talk about God. Somewhere God got a hold of this man for some reason I don't know. For some reason God sent me to that yard sale, not just for the two battery chargers I got for $35, but to talk to a man about God. I have a feeling that God was not finished with him yet, and I know He's not finished with me yet. I can't help but have my heart warmed every time I think of this hardened biker Vietnam vet who's heart God is after. My God is good. His purposes I don't understand, but He is good. Amen!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
God movies and using their lessons in my life.
A while back i picked up a two movie pack at Wally world. Faith like potatoes and Facing the Giants. What i love about watching movies like these is that unlike a book, with a movie you actually get to see how the subject is practiced. Like with potatoes, you get this picture of radical child like faith. The lead character finds God for reals and he just takes God at his word. Ya know, the Bible. When he has a fire out of control he just prays for rain. But unlike us, he believes God will send it and he does. Not only that, but his corn crop is totally destroyed by the fire and comes back to life. Another time two people are injured, one of them dies, and he prays over her, lifts her up and she comes back to life. Like the faith that you and i would have if we had watched God create the world. The faith that we are supposed to have.
Then there's the Giants. This guys a football coach in a Christian school and everything in his life that can go wrong has. When he has no more rope to reach the end of he turns to God. Like up all night just pounding the Word to standing out in a field just talking to God. Totally honest communication. He just gives everything in his life to God. He takes God into the locker room and teaches the players that putting God in their lives has got to come before football or anything else. God has to be the foundation. The school finds itself in a revival. There's a guy who goes thru the school every day and prays over every locker, year after year, waiting for revival. He never gives up and never loses hope. And he gets to see that revival.
How awesome would it be if we prayed over every chair before service? Not because David asks us to but because we want to see God move in our students. How many things would we start doing or doing differently if everything came out of service to God? If God was at the core of everything? Both of these would be considered radical by most people. The problem is that they are not radical. They are simply following the Biblical way of serving God. The problem is that the rest of the world is radically far away from God's design. We are radically far away.
Sometimes it is very hard for me to picture what it looks like to walk out my faith. When I see these movies it's like, Oh, that's how that should look. Well, duh. Anyways, if you haven't seen these i strongly recommend watching them. Potatoes is pretty slow and didn't hit me at first but its been over a month and i still can't get it out of my mind. Giants has only been a few days ago and i really want to keep that picture fresh in my mind of how to implement my faith all day.
Yesterday i was out in the shop doing this job and it was kicking my butt. I tried one last thing and when it didn't work i started cussing at it and it was ugly for a minute. Then i had this glimpse of if my work brought glory to God then he would bless it. I stopped and said i'm sorry God. I don't know how to fix this and i don't really know how to bring you glory in my work but i'm asking for help. I couldn't even tell you if it was a minute or ten minutes or an hour but the next thing i remember is looking at it and realizing i had the wrong adapter on it and when the right one was used it came right apart. And i was so in the middle of it that it took me like a day to realize what God had done. I asked for help, he helped, and i didn't even catch it.
What if i went to Walmart and prayed before entering store; God, help me to focus and buy only what i need. To not waste a bunch of my day. What if i prayed when i got home; God, help me to bless my family and represent Christ to them. What if i invited God into every part of my life? Just the very thought of that brings shivers down my spine. Imagine how God would work in my life. Imagine all the stuff he could get done if i would just get out of the way.
Imagine if you work with customers all day and just find a way to say a short prayer for every customer. Imagine if you dedicated your shift to God. Imagine the Holy Spirit hovering over you and touching each person as you interact with them. Literally, take some time and try to imagine stuff like this. I'm telling you. No matter what you imagine it will pale in comparison to what God will do if you will dedicate that time to Him. I dare you. I double dog dare you. When i finish this post i'm going to pray over it. That anyone who would benefit from this would find it. I've never done that before but there's a bunch of things i've never done before and God only know where this will lead. Where my life is going. God bless every one of you who reads this. Praise be to God.
Then there's the Giants. This guys a football coach in a Christian school and everything in his life that can go wrong has. When he has no more rope to reach the end of he turns to God. Like up all night just pounding the Word to standing out in a field just talking to God. Totally honest communication. He just gives everything in his life to God. He takes God into the locker room and teaches the players that putting God in their lives has got to come before football or anything else. God has to be the foundation. The school finds itself in a revival. There's a guy who goes thru the school every day and prays over every locker, year after year, waiting for revival. He never gives up and never loses hope. And he gets to see that revival.
How awesome would it be if we prayed over every chair before service? Not because David asks us to but because we want to see God move in our students. How many things would we start doing or doing differently if everything came out of service to God? If God was at the core of everything? Both of these would be considered radical by most people. The problem is that they are not radical. They are simply following the Biblical way of serving God. The problem is that the rest of the world is radically far away from God's design. We are radically far away.
Sometimes it is very hard for me to picture what it looks like to walk out my faith. When I see these movies it's like, Oh, that's how that should look. Well, duh. Anyways, if you haven't seen these i strongly recommend watching them. Potatoes is pretty slow and didn't hit me at first but its been over a month and i still can't get it out of my mind. Giants has only been a few days ago and i really want to keep that picture fresh in my mind of how to implement my faith all day.
Yesterday i was out in the shop doing this job and it was kicking my butt. I tried one last thing and when it didn't work i started cussing at it and it was ugly for a minute. Then i had this glimpse of if my work brought glory to God then he would bless it. I stopped and said i'm sorry God. I don't know how to fix this and i don't really know how to bring you glory in my work but i'm asking for help. I couldn't even tell you if it was a minute or ten minutes or an hour but the next thing i remember is looking at it and realizing i had the wrong adapter on it and when the right one was used it came right apart. And i was so in the middle of it that it took me like a day to realize what God had done. I asked for help, he helped, and i didn't even catch it.
What if i went to Walmart and prayed before entering store; God, help me to focus and buy only what i need. To not waste a bunch of my day. What if i prayed when i got home; God, help me to bless my family and represent Christ to them. What if i invited God into every part of my life? Just the very thought of that brings shivers down my spine. Imagine how God would work in my life. Imagine all the stuff he could get done if i would just get out of the way.
Imagine if you work with customers all day and just find a way to say a short prayer for every customer. Imagine if you dedicated your shift to God. Imagine the Holy Spirit hovering over you and touching each person as you interact with them. Literally, take some time and try to imagine stuff like this. I'm telling you. No matter what you imagine it will pale in comparison to what God will do if you will dedicate that time to Him. I dare you. I double dog dare you. When i finish this post i'm going to pray over it. That anyone who would benefit from this would find it. I've never done that before but there's a bunch of things i've never done before and God only know where this will lead. Where my life is going. God bless every one of you who reads this. Praise be to God.
Life is dangerous
So Josh brought home a book from school simply titled "100 most dangerous things on the planet". On the back cover are listed; avalanches, earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, wildfires, asteroid strikes, rattlesnakes, bears, brake failure, etc.
What is the likely hood that any of that would happen to me? The much more dangerous part of life is just walking down the street. Getting a stomach ache that won't go away. Crashing my bike for the millionth time with no helmet. Falling out of bunkbed or treehouse or.......
This world is such a dangerous place that none of us should even make it to 20yrs old much less 100. I just think it interesting how much time we spend thinking about these radical ways our life could end when it's likely to be something not even worth writing about. So.....have a safe day.
What is the likely hood that any of that would happen to me? The much more dangerous part of life is just walking down the street. Getting a stomach ache that won't go away. Crashing my bike for the millionth time with no helmet. Falling out of bunkbed or treehouse or.......
This world is such a dangerous place that none of us should even make it to 20yrs old much less 100. I just think it interesting how much time we spend thinking about these radical ways our life could end when it's likely to be something not even worth writing about. So.....have a safe day.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Obeying God????
Saturday night Chris and i went to Red Robin for dinner. This weekend was supposed to be a winter retreat for the youth group so we had places for the kids to be and then that got changed to the snow day on Sunday so we did the snow day and some personal time. How's that for a run on sentence? So, we ended up at Red Robin waiting to get seated and they called Chris, party of 2. Then immediately someone else party of 4. So this couple gets up and goes and Chris gets up and goes. When we got to our table there was 2 sets of color crayons along with our menus so i think we stole the party of 4 table. Oops. After sitting there for a while and eating most of our dinner, a young couple sat down a couple tables from us. The girl had her back to me but the guy was a pimply faced maybe 16 yr old kid. As i kept watching them i felt God telling me to give them $20. What a strange thing. That was something i might just do, but why would God want me to do it? So i decided i would ask them if they were on a date and if they said yes then drop $20 on the table and wish them a good evening. Don't know what i would have done if they'd said no. Haha. The longer i thought about doing it the harder it got. Then i told Chris and she was very supportive and even offered to do it if i was too chicken. I knew God had told me and not her and anyways, it was time to go. As we walked by their table we stopped, i paused for a little bit, then said, are you two kids on a date? He said yes and i dropped the folded up 20 on the table. He was like, NO WAY, jumped up and shook my hand. I think she was a little dumbfounded. Then we walked out.
Since i've had some time to think about this many reasons have come to mind for God to have me do this. Here are a few. God is testing my willingness to obey when the task doesn't fit into my normal box. Maybe he had borrowed $20 from somewhere he shouldn't have and God just wanted to bless him by replacing it. Maybe someone else there who saw this happen needed some proof that there is still good in humanity. Maybe one of the waiters had asked God for a sign that he was still there, maybe even asked for that specific event to happen. There are many other possibilities but our God is so big that every one of these could be true at the same time. Think of the complexity of arranging all those things to align at that one specific intersection. That's how big our God is. Not saying that any or all of these are true except for the testing/growing of my faith. That one i know is true. Our God works in the extraordinary and he excels in the mundane. He wants so badly to be in all of our little details. To get into the dirt in the cracks. Are you letting him in?
Since i've had some time to think about this many reasons have come to mind for God to have me do this. Here are a few. God is testing my willingness to obey when the task doesn't fit into my normal box. Maybe he had borrowed $20 from somewhere he shouldn't have and God just wanted to bless him by replacing it. Maybe someone else there who saw this happen needed some proof that there is still good in humanity. Maybe one of the waiters had asked God for a sign that he was still there, maybe even asked for that specific event to happen. There are many other possibilities but our God is so big that every one of these could be true at the same time. Think of the complexity of arranging all those things to align at that one specific intersection. That's how big our God is. Not saying that any or all of these are true except for the testing/growing of my faith. That one i know is true. Our God works in the extraordinary and he excels in the mundane. He wants so badly to be in all of our little details. To get into the dirt in the cracks. Are you letting him in?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Blog about love
Kind of a misleading title because i'm not really writing about love. So Leia i think it was posted a link to a blog this guy has about love. He's a single, Godly man, who desperately desires companionship. This was some of the hardest stuff i've ever read. I've been married for 17 years and think i'm even more detached from my feelings during singlehood than my childhood. It really broke my heart seeing the longing of his heart and then realizing that most of our youth staff live with this every day. We live in two opposing worlds. I struggle to mesh my wife's needs, my 3 kids' needs and the calling God has put in my dna. I'm not saying they oppose each other but Chris is not necessarily in the same place i am and i am being led more and more into a sacrificial life that she must be willing to go on her own volition. Don't get me wrong. God placed us together for a reason, many, many reasons so these things will come when the time is right. My friends and fellow saints who are single have a much different pull on their lives. Having this constant desire for love and intimacy and companionship constantly at war in their hearts and minds with their devotion to God is a very hard thing. Something i would not voluntarily trade for. Ever. These people are the most wonderful, Godly people i could ever wish to be around and i hate to see them sad (i'm not by any means saying they are sad all the time but i'd guess they all have their moments) but God has their best in mind always. He wants to bless and love on them as much as they can handle but he has a divine method to his madness and their greatest happiness is following his plan. From before the foundations of the earth He designed a wonderful mate for each of them. The perfect spouse if you will. I know that i have mine, not because of anything i did but because He divinely intervened. I made my choice and was married for 6 weeks. God made my choice and been married for 17 years. Not even gonna argue with him on that one.
God, please give these young people (see, even our leaders are young people to me), a vision of what you want them to be. Make them into the perfect spouse for their perfect spouse. And just fill their hearts to overflowing that they wouldn't be so sorrowful with longing for love that they don't take time to fill up on you. God, you have plans so awesome for them that they couldn't write the story if they had a million years. Thank you for loving all the little insignificant us's so much that you invest in our every moment. May we all chase after you to fill the longing in our hearts and as we fill may you create more longing that we can never get enough of you. You, God, are our filling station. The only thing of value that we can put in. Thank you for being you and for loving me.
God, please give these young people (see, even our leaders are young people to me), a vision of what you want them to be. Make them into the perfect spouse for their perfect spouse. And just fill their hearts to overflowing that they wouldn't be so sorrowful with longing for love that they don't take time to fill up on you. God, you have plans so awesome for them that they couldn't write the story if they had a million years. Thank you for loving all the little insignificant us's so much that you invest in our every moment. May we all chase after you to fill the longing in our hearts and as we fill may you create more longing that we can never get enough of you. You, God, are our filling station. The only thing of value that we can put in. Thank you for being you and for loving me.
survived another day
Watched a movie called One Week. Bout a guy who finds he has stage 4 cancer, buys a motorcycle and rides from east coast of Canada to the west coast. With many strange adventures in the middle of course. Kinda didn't do much today. School called about 10min after dropping kids off to say that Ashtin had a tummy ache. Picked her up to find her tummy was caused by fighting with Josh but so many kids are sick that they hear that they instantly send home. Had to take her home. She threw up twice late in afternoon. After coming home with Ashtin someone came over and bought my 53 GMC truck which kinda saddened me the rest of the day. Not letting it go but that I think the buyer was going to scrap it. Didn't do my devotions today. Spent very little time with God. Epic fail! Little girl died a couple nights ago. She attended Cascade High School and was friends with at least one person in our Youth Group. My first thought so often when someone dies is, glad they were not in our group. What a selfish thought. Like, that's really sad, but at least i don't have to deal with it. What a sad thing it is to lose a friend or family member, especially at such a young age. I pray that this tragedy brings an opening for God to move into some lives where he might not have been able to go before. That those who have been open to God would really turn to him for strength, for answers, for comfort. God so badly wants to be in our situation. To walk with us.
New paragraph, cause your supposed to do that once in a while. Went to State Surplus yard to look for bicycles and just happened to talk to woman whose son was raised in the church, did his devotions (unlike me today) and was taught all the stuff we teach our kids hoping they will grab onto God and walk with him. This young man, Keith, i think was his name, 22ish i believe, did not quite follow that path. Her first mention of him was pothead. I encouraged her to continue to pray for him and reminded her that although he is not following God, he does have a foundation to come back to when everything he grabs onto in life slips through his fingers. As a youth worker, sometimes that's all we can do. We get them for a few years and teach them as much about God as we can because they can be gone at any time. I don't mean by death, but moving away, going to different church, and many times just volatility in the family that prevents them from attending. What i didn't do was to pray with her there on the spot (amateur move), but i'm learning. I feel so called to missions. Not to go and be a missionary, but to reach those around me. As God continues to grow me and i am open to those opportunities, then he provides. I look at my life and think, "i don't do much for God". Some of my time is spent working with youth at church and other functions but that's about it. I try and figure out how to do more and then things like the surplus yard just happen. God places chances for ministry right in my lap as i grow into that place. It's really exciting to experience and even more so knowing this is just the beginning. Another thing to think about is that i can't see the full workings of the ministry i am involved in. It's not up to me to worry about how much ministry to be involved in but just to do and go as God leads. For the first time since the four years or so that we've been back to church God has finally given me a sense of excitement, a joy about serving him. What a wonderful God we serve.
New paragraph, cause your supposed to do that once in a while. Went to State Surplus yard to look for bicycles and just happened to talk to woman whose son was raised in the church, did his devotions (unlike me today) and was taught all the stuff we teach our kids hoping they will grab onto God and walk with him. This young man, Keith, i think was his name, 22ish i believe, did not quite follow that path. Her first mention of him was pothead. I encouraged her to continue to pray for him and reminded her that although he is not following God, he does have a foundation to come back to when everything he grabs onto in life slips through his fingers. As a youth worker, sometimes that's all we can do. We get them for a few years and teach them as much about God as we can because they can be gone at any time. I don't mean by death, but moving away, going to different church, and many times just volatility in the family that prevents them from attending. What i didn't do was to pray with her there on the spot (amateur move), but i'm learning. I feel so called to missions. Not to go and be a missionary, but to reach those around me. As God continues to grow me and i am open to those opportunities, then he provides. I look at my life and think, "i don't do much for God". Some of my time is spent working with youth at church and other functions but that's about it. I try and figure out how to do more and then things like the surplus yard just happen. God places chances for ministry right in my lap as i grow into that place. It's really exciting to experience and even more so knowing this is just the beginning. Another thing to think about is that i can't see the full workings of the ministry i am involved in. It's not up to me to worry about how much ministry to be involved in but just to do and go as God leads. For the first time since the four years or so that we've been back to church God has finally given me a sense of excitement, a joy about serving him. What a wonderful God we serve.
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