The day that nothing changed

     Yesterday the supreme court of the United States of America announced a ruling and today I sit in my car and read scripture and see nothing different. The letters are not moving around on the pages to change truths thousands of years old. Some infinitely older than that. Nope, not one thing different. God is still the God of all creation. Satan still comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And me? I don't think I've changed much in that time either.

     You see, the enemy wants us running around, scared and worried. Troubled that our footing in this world is eroding. Praise God!😊 Apparently my smilies don't work here. For those of us who live because of the work of the cross and the deliverance from said cross, let it be known that we don't stand on this world. Our feet are firmly planted on the rock of Christ Jesus.

     What's that you say? We are losing our influence here. We have no freedom. We can't talk about God here, we can't pray there. It's about time! Time for we are not of this world to actually have some meaning. Time for us to stop leaning on legislature to support us in our beliefs, it's time to give that place back to God.

     It's time for FAITH. Faith that trusts God to fill the offering plate. Not our own begging mixed with scriptures and holy platitudes but faith. It's time to have faith that God has our backs. Our businesses. That God cares about the needs of our families more than we do. Faith that when I don't feel God He hasn't moved. Faith that my child with autism isn't broken but perfect.

     The whole world seems out of control and that's the way the enemy wants it. Our lives seem out of our control and they are. I can fear that lack of control as I so often do or I can once again give God the reigns to my life. Either God will have control of my life or sin nature and Satan will have control. Those are the only options. A or B. There is no ME. So what will you do today? Right now as you read this? Will you give God control for the first time? Will you give Him control for the 135th time today? I Surrender All is not about losing your life but saving it. My testimony, that which cannot be denied, is what God has done inside of me. That is my gain. I must surrender over and over and over. When I retake control I allow the enemy in to steal my joy, to kill my heart, to destroy the man God made me to be.

     Do you know why I think God gave us Revelation? Not to scare us about end time events. Certainly not for us to spend significant amounts of time trying to figure out how it all plays out. If you had a time machine....If you could go back in time 6 months how much money would you put on the clippers? Or how bout the tripple crown winner? Or how about a little further back to pick up a first printing Superman No.1, one of which recently sold for 3 and a half million bucks! God gave us a glimpse, yes of the past, but also of the future too. We know who wins. Knowing this we can lay it all on the table. Our spouse and family, our job(s), schools, flags, laws, churches, everything!!!

     I am tired of fighting and I am tired of being afraid. I want to only fear He who holds life and death in His hand. Truly who else is there to fear???

This man's journey to intimacy with my Creator.

     This is some of my journey to find intimate space with God. It wont be a blueprint for you but I hope you will find some nuggets in here. It's long, and somewhat painful, and here for you. If this helps you, know that God placed this here for you. God bless.

     What I really want to do is publish a how-to manual on intimacy with God. In order for me to do that you're gonna have to go back in time 43 years and be born to my parents, have my name, and live my life exactly as I have. Our journey's to intimacy are as you-nique as you are, and as I am. You are so special that God has a one off plan of intimacy for you only. And the uniqueness of that plan is part of what creates that intimacy.

     I am very angry. I have tried everything I know to find intimacy with God. Many times I have sat in my chair in the yard after dropping kids at school. Opening the Word I just read and read. An hour, hour and a half, it's like life to my bones. There's this nagging inside that I should be getting work done but this is much more important. Then I grab my list and begin praying for people. Ten to thirty minutes later it's time to move on, to do my day.

     Day after day I do this. It's great, but it's not somehow. Emptiness is consuming me. I get to the end of my day and think, oh yeah, I forgot about you God. Knowing I haven't thought about You since my morning ritual creates more emptiness.

     Did my devotions at the park in my car. Had the most amazing time with God. Next day was good but not like yesterday. Third day was a failure. I felt nothing. I am such a failure. Why can I not have the intimacy I see in others during Sunday worship? How do they get there? I give up. I am so pathetic. This is so easy for many others but I guess it's just not for me. Stupid friggin dog gonnit worthless person I am.

     That was bad. I'm so glad that's over, today was amazing. God, this is the start of something new. Oh my gosh.  I can't wait until tomorrow to do this again. Well it wasn't as good today but not everything is gonna be the same every time. Felt kinda lifeless today but gonna keep pressing on. Why do I even keep doing this? It's not doing anything. I might as well just go about my day and not do this at all. This is stupid God. Why wont you give me what I need?

     I don't understand how I can spend so much time with You and feel lifeless. And why do I not think about you at all during the rest of my day? I know you've planted this desire for intimacy with You inside of me but I don't understand why you're keeping it from me. It's all part of your plan. Gotta trust the plan. I hate the damn plan.

     Ok, time for a fresh start. God please ipen your word to me. Make it life to my bones and speak to me here. Amen. Wow! Today was the best time I've had with God in forever. Definitely.gonna build on this tomorrow. Man, I still didn't think of you at all today since my time this morning. But I'm gonna work on that. Tomorrow is a new day.

     Another great day, great morning with God. This is what I'm talking about. How come this has been so elusive God? I wish every day was like this. Oh man. Now back to the rest of life. Gotta get that car done today. Got the car done, the yard mowed, fixed Tony's trike and a good dinner for a change. What a great day. Oh yeah, and you too God. I kinda forgot about you in the business of the day. But tomorrow will be better. I promise.

     Paid some bills and picked up those parts to get that job done. Didn't get my time in the word today but I know  God is ok with that. He's not up there with a gavel to punish me. It's been feeling kinda lifeless anyways.

     God I have done everything. Everything you have asked of me. I hate you! I mean I don't really hate you but it hurts so bad. I really want to hate you. It's not your fault though. It's me. I'm just not cut out for intimacy. It's just not me. I don't know why you would make me this way but you did. So it really is your fault. But it doesn't matter. I'm a sad, useless, uggh! I don't even have words for what I am. I'm that pathetic, huh? Why would you do this to me? To any person? I am a stupid fuckin waste of oxygen use. I am taking away from your planet. Why would you put me here? I give up! It's not worth trying any more.




     I reached the end of my rope. I wanted to not be not here anymore. There were no other options though. I just wanted to run away, to leave my family, my responsibilities.  To just disappear. To find myself in some New Mexico town working in a minimart where no one knows me and no one relies on me. To disappear as much as I could from society. But that wouldn't fix anything. I would still be stuck with me.

     God took me to a place of healing. A place where an unknown woman whispered in my ear "the intimacy you seek with God you already have."

     The color suddenly filled my world again. Like I had journeyed a thousand miles to find a treasure, only to find it was in my pack the entire time. Literally my whole world changed in that instant and I began a new journey that I am still on.

     I don't have all the answers for you. Maybe even none. And I don't want to fill your head with seemingly empty rhetoric of "God has all the answers", or "just trust Him."  I do believe these things are true but they probably will not comfort your heart. I do want you to know part of my story and to know that you are not alone.

     Did you notice the result(s) of all my efforts? Take from this what you will. I really hope that your journey is nowhere near as painful as mine but more importantly, please continue the journey. And do not compare others with yourself. And throw away any preconceived notion of what intimacy looks like. And don't eat Spam. And if you can smell colors, have the doctor change your meds.

Are the right questions wrong?

     The question is....who am I? Moses was 80 years old and didn't know who he was. The angel of the Lord came to him in the fiery bush, God said go, save my people. Moses says who am I? I am nobody that they should listen to me. But Moses reluctantly obeyed and became who he was. Prophet, priest, teacher, leader and so much more. Writer of the first five books of the Bible and ultimately, God's friend.

     There is no greater quest in our life but to answer this question. For in the answer to this lies the truly great revelation.....who am I in Christ?

     Yet we go sideways in this. We jump a step when we ask, what is my.purpose? What am I here to do? What is my calling?

     The real question is this. Who are you, God? Not even who am I in you but simply who are you. I want to know you. I want to be in your will seems right on but it's caddywompus too. You know me in and out so reveal yourself to me. Take away the barriers between my heart and mind. Make my heart wise. Make my.mind to be overwhelmed with your love. Let me see you as in a clear reflection. May you become more comfortable than my own skin.

     For you see, in the intimate space between my Lord and myself all of these questions are answered. And none can be answered properly from outside. The answers they will seem proper, God directed, God answered, and such, but when true intimacy reveals itself, even the need for those answers will seem shallow. All of life's needs are swallowed up in the quiet secure love between my Father and me.

     We will chase after many things in this life. I pray that whatever you chase it will eventually lead you to the feet of the Father.

     That's step one. Step two is equally important. Once your secure intimate space with God is found. Now you know what it is to simply be. No longer thrashing about but at rest, it is time to nudge others in the same direction.

Who does God love more?

     Do we understand what it means to love? To love as Christ loves? There are a lot of different facets to love and I'm only gonna touch on one, I think.

     We've all seen the pics and formed opinions about Caitlyn Jenner. I mean it is the hot topic right now. Is it right? is it wrong? Courageous? Have you stopped to think of God's immense love for Bruce/Caitlyn? If you did, if you do, does it change things?

     What about the guy who taped the dogs snout shut? There's something serious mental going on there. Do we have the same compassion toward him that we do toward Robin Williams and toward Robin's family. Has God's love for him changed?

     What about the Taliban or ISIS? We cringe as we discover a new atrocity, each one more vile than the last. But did you fall to your knees and plead the blood if the Lamb over them? Did you pray that some how, some way, God's love would reach them? Or did you simply repost, adding your own commentary about a world gone to hell?

     What about that one video? You know, the one where someone did something so stupid even a two year old would've known better. Do you ridicule this person? Or do you turn your eyes to the sky and say God, I've done many stupid things in my life too, and you have forgiven me and given me a fresh start. Would you please help to do the same here? This cannot be erased but you God can make good out of it.

     Do we only love the abused, victimized, sodomized, traumatized, underdog losers? Or do we also love the rapist, the sodomizer, the ISIS rebel,  the transexual, the white trash, the black trash, the illegal alien, the politician, the ex spouse, the bully, the kids' new stepmom, the drunk who killed our child? Do we have to choose between the cop and the other? Can't we love both?

     When that man is doing the sick thing to that child, do you think God's tears are only for the child? Does not God weep for the brokenness of this man as well?

     We can say to the broken person that God loves them infinitely and in the same sentence curse the one who caused the broken pieces. That must break God's heart all over again. To think that God loves the one more than the other. Does the abused need to feel Gods love more than the abuser? Really? Where is that in the Bible?

     I have a deep heart for broken people. It does my heart so good to see the healing begin. I wonder how my world would begin to change if I had the same heart for those who caused the broken pieces. To love the unlovable.

     Jesus hung on the cross and He looked down on those who put Him there, ultimately killing Him, and said "forgive them, for they know not what they do." This is the love we are called to. He is our example.

The line between grace and the 'rules'

     As believers we have this fine line to draw between grace and upholding Biblical standards. God has given us so many guidelines as to how to be His follower. I wonder though if they aren't just that, guidelines.

     As I travel throughout His great guidebook I see God contradicting the 'rules' often. Like seemingly all the time. So how can this be? And if this is so then what is God really after from us? What does it mean for you and me? Hopefully I can answer this but first some examples.

     The Nazirite vow and Samson. In Numbers 6 God says a Nazarite must abstain from wine, fermented drink, vinegar, grape juice, grapes, or raisins. His hair couldn't be cut nor could he be exposed to a dead body. So God raises up Samson (Judges 14-16) as a mighty warrior through the vow of a Nazarite. A Nazarite who is never to be around a dead body kills over a thousand people. His vow is broken not by being around a dead body (like one part of the law says) but eventually by his hair being cut off (another part of the law).

     Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob give us many examples of the 'rules' being broken. Abraham believes God's promise to populate many people's through him. When years have passed and his wife still isn't pregnant they go to plan b and he sleeps with his wife's slave. God still uses Abraham as planned despite this. Isaac lies about his wife being his sister (his dad did this twice himself) so he can save his own skin rather than trust in God to protect him. Jacob takes advantage of Esau to get the birthright and then works with his mother to steal his brother's blessing from his father Isaac.

     Joseph's brothers sell Joseph and tell dad that he was killed yet the tribes of Israel are still formed from them.

     Rahab is a prostitute and becomes one of Jesus's ancestor's.

     God told Moses to lie to Pharaoh. God said to tell Pharoah to let his people go to the desert and hold a festival to God. This was true to the point that they would go and worship God, but false in the fact that they would never be returning.

     A pastor friend of mine told me a story about when he started pastoring a new church. The denomination had a rule that no deacons or elders could be divorced and thus his problem. He had almost no one he could promote because nearly every candidate had been divorced. So what to do? Ok, let's close the church. I mean rules are great, but in this case they sure didn't help those they were meant help.

     The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise,  as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9. God's desire is for all to be saved. We repent, we leave that old us behind, and we start on a new life. New life with Christ.

     We are to judge. We are to look into the lives of others and see, is there evidence of Christ? Just as we, just as I, look into myself to see Christ or not. We must! If I do not look into your life to see what Christ is doing then I fail you. It is my job,  my duty. I cannot do this alone. If not for others checking up on me. Praying for me. Calling out my sins and saying "what the heck Jethro?", I would not be where I am. But, where would I be if more of my Godly family kept me accountable and motivated me forward?

     God is a god of the journey. So where are you going? Let's not forget the past but what are you doing with it? What direction are you going? What is God doing now? This is the question.

     Second is this. Are you trusting God? There is no way I can see all God is doing in you. There is no way I could have seen what God saw in Moses or Abraham or Noah or Samson or the apostle Peter or in Paul. But I can be in communion with God each day and the Holy Spirit can. God can guide me to people that scripture says can't be leaders. People who don't fit into the scriptural guidelines.

     Ultimately God is the one who has a clear view of your heart and mine. It is He and only He that can know where each is headed. I must turn my fears and cares over to Him. I've got to trust that He is working for good in those around me. I have to allow Him to show me when to speak life to you and when to correct.

     It is God's plan. Will I (we) join Him in it? Or will I do as I think needs done?