I've felt like I have a lot to say these past 3 or 4 or maybe 5 years and not a lot of people to say it to. I've always had a lot to say. I remember many occasions waaay back in school where a group of us would stand and talk. I would try to say something, be ignored, say it louder, get ignored, a few times until I gave up. Probably never totally sunk in that what I thought was important no one else cared about. Since then I've felt like I didn't have anything to say that anyone cared about until about 5 years ago. This was roughly the time when God really got a hold on me. I've always had a good handle on the information of the Bible but suddenly God was downloading large chunks of His personality directly into my deepest parts. Then came a small Bible study, a men's group, that I stayed with for several years. It was in this time that I heard for the first time "when you speak, I really listen," and "you don't speak a lot but when you do it's always something of value." I kind of chuckle because in the back of my mind I hear "when EF Hutton speaks, people listen." God has given me something valuable, and surprisingly, everyone else doesn't already have it.
I have had the opportunity through a ministry called Heartchange to see people not only grow, but in some cases shed weights of 40 or 50 years or more in a single four day weekend. Having seen God reach deep inside folks and change them forever has added another side to the character of God for me. As I understand more of how God works and how He desires to continually sacrifice Himself for us, I'm understanding that even a few words coming through me from the Holy Spirit have great power to change lives. I also realize that a few paragraphs written on my phone or laptop and whisked off to the world wide wonderland have very little power compared to a one on one encounter. However, God puts things on my heart that are like a fire deep inside. Sometimes I feel it's gotta come out before I burn up. This of course is not everything, sometimes I just want to share a part of my life, or like with Mark, to journal my Bible reading.
There is a little battle going on too. As God shows things to me I desperately hope that you can find a nugget for yourself in there too. Really I hope God speaks to you through my writing. Yet there is a part of me that wants to check and see how many are reading. Like confirmation of my value. I am constantly battling this as I doubt or rather hope that God would never give me success in writing if any part of it is for my benefit. If by some miracle God turned me into a capable writer and I supported my family doing this it would be awesome. That's not the benefit that worries me. It's pride. If people want what I write it's because God put it there and I need to learn even now that it's not about me.
I am a work at home dad of 2, 9, 11 and 13 year old kids. We have a shop behind the house and part time auto repair happens in there. My wife works full time days and is working full time on her Bachelor's degree. Up to two times a month I get to attend a Bible study with a wonderful pastor and his wife and up to once a month meet with a long term friend to discuss God and life. Outside of church my social life consists mostly of four wild and wonderful kids. Not many opportunities are present for (oh man, a great song playing right now, Casting Crowns-Just Another Birthday) sharing what God is teaching me so here it ends up. I really and genuinely hope that you find value in these words. Thank you for reading.
Jethro, I make a point to read each time I see you post. I think your words are always thoughtful, and most usually pique my interest and give me something new to consider.
ReplyDeleteIt may not feel like you are reaching a lot of people. You probably aren't. Not sure that matters. You'll have to ask God if he is disapointed in your distribution. I"m highly skeptical that he is.
Let your thoughts ramble. I'll be checking them out.